


Come Back

by Soralith



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (hi kris bc I know you'll read this probably), 3rd Year Hinata Shoyo, 3rd Year Kageyama Tobio, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Family Dynamics, Gen, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, How I write something that's "non-angst", Kageyama Tobio-centric, POV Kageyama Tobio, Platonic Relationships, Post Graduation Karasuno Crew, Protective Sugawara Koushi, Sick Character, Team Parents Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Team as Family, The Author Regrets Nothing, Third Year Hinata Shouyou and Kageyama Tobio, This is not a happy fic I am warning you now, This is not the fic for you if you wanted fluff, fluff if you squint, includes post-anime spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:55:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28162785
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soralith/pseuds/Soralith
Summary: Kageyama thought he'd be there through it all.Pushing him to work harder, go further, fly higher than he ever knew he could.Because if he was here, they were both invincible....or so Kageyama thought.(Sick Hinata AU)
Relationships: Platonic Hinata Shouyo/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 11
Kudos: 55





	Come Back

**Author's Note:**

> Hi  
> I hope you're here for semi-decent angst, bc this is just 25.9k words of it

“I’m sick.” 

Kageyama would never fully understand how two simple words could so irrevocably change his life. 

“...you’re what?” Kageyama’s voice was clearly softer than Hinata had expected it to be, given the mildly surprised look that emerged on the shorter teen’s face. Hinata flushed immediately, a light pink dusting over his cheeks as he dropped his gaze.

“I’m sick. Y’know how I was just kind of exhausted and not really eating well and stuff lately?” Kageyama nodded hesitantly. Hinata had indeed been oddly tired the past few weeks, though Kageyama (and the rest of the volleyball team) had merely assumed that Hinata was simply working too hard again and had fallen ill. After all, Hinata was not only trying to juggle both his studies and volleyball, but he was also starting to plan for life after high school- a difficult task to say the least. 

The 3rd year had been off school for the past few days as his mother had forced the stubborn teen to stay home. Simply assuming Hinata had caught a cold, the team had texted him their best wishes, with Kageyama promising to bring him his schoolwork as well as news of how the volleyball team was training for Spring Interhigh.

Kageyama had arrived at the Hinata residence just a few minutes prior, having left volleyball practice half an hour early. Yamaguchi, now Karasuno’s captain, had decided to run diving and serve drills with their underclassmen. Knowing Kageyama didn’t _really_ need to participate, Yamaguchi had instead cheerfully informed his vice-captain that he could have the rest of the afternoon off, much to his underclassmen’s envy. 

“Tell Hinata that we miss him! And that we’re hoping he’ll be back soon!” Kageyama had nodded, jogging out of the gym to change quickly, before setting off to catch a bus to Hinata’s house. 

Once he’d arrived, the tall setter immediately noticed that Hinata’s mother wasn’t her normally cheerful self, with her greeting lacking its usual smile and hug. The short, kindly woman instead beckoned him silently to enter the home, telling Kageyama that Hinata was waiting for him in the living room. Kageyama hardly had time to thank her before she’d disappeared wordlessly into the kitchen, confusing the poor teen. Her rather downcast mood worried him, though Kageyama had tried to push it out of his mind as he'd greeted Hinata, who was sitting unusually sedately on their couch.

“My mom thought it was kind of weird, because I wasn’t really getting better, so she took me to my pediatrician, who told us to head to the hospital for tests. The specialist person there said it was weird that I was bruising so much, even for a volleyball player.” Kageyama frowned, eyebrows furrowing as he glanced at Hinata.

“Bruising? We’ve been doing a lot of receiving practice lately- you’re sure it’s not just that?” Hinata shook his head slowly, before he gingerly pushed up the sleeves of his sweater. Mottled, discolored bruises dotted the skin up both of Hinata’s arms, growing larger, and more prominent the further up Kageyama looked. 

The middle blocker’s cheeks burned brightly as Kageyama stared at him through wide eyes, and Hinata quickly slid his sleeves back down to cover his skin

“There’s more on my legs. Anywhere that I bumped seems to have bruised. And that worried the specialist lady, so she made me get some tests and stuff... ” Hinata trailed off, shifting uncertainly as he fiddled with one of the couch cushions, making Kageyama’s worry spike further. 

“Just tell me.” Hinata hesitated for another few seconds, before he raised his head to meet the setter’s concerned gaze.

“I have cancer.” An icy cold feeling made its way down Kageyama’s back.

“Cancer.” The word was foreign on Kageyama’s tongue, and the teen stared blankly at Hinata, unable to fully wrap his head around what he was being told. Hinata nodded hesitantly, biting his lip worriedly as he gazed up at Kageyama. 

“Well, leukemia, they said, specifically.” Kageyama continued to stare at the middle blocker, his words failing him as he tried to say something, anything in response. 

“...why?” Hinata shrugged, fingers picking at the seams of the couch cushion and causing a small hole in the fabric to widen.

“The doctors don’t really know. They think it might have to do with the tsunami and the nuclear power plant and stuff? It was only a few years ago, after all, and we were all evacuated and stuff… do you remember back then?” Kageyama nodded, a shiver going through him as he thought about the horror that had been the 2011 earthquake and tsunami. 

His memories were a touch hazy, given how frantic and traumatic the experience had been for them all, but Kageyama could remember being frantically ushered by his teachers out of their classrooms and up to higher ground, as soon as the earth had stopped moving under them. Kageyama could remember frantically dodging fallen trees and various other debris as emergency personnel scrambled to save trapped civilians, the wails of emergency sirens screaming as he and his classmates scrambled to reach safety. 

Thankfully, Kitagawa Daiichi hadn’t been hit by the wave, but the earthquake and subsequent tsunami had still been a terrifying experience for the then 14 year old. The sounds of people screaming and crying still filled Kageyama’s dreams from time to time, making the setter wake up gasping for air as he trembled violently and desperately made sure that 40 km waves weren’t threatening to wash away everyone he loved.

“Yukigaoka wasn’t hit by the tsunami, was it?” Hinata shook his head.

“No, we were okay. There was some structural damage from the earthquake itself, but I don’t think the wave ever reached us.” Kageyama frowned.

“Then… why?” Hinata shrugged again.

“The doctors aren’t really sure. Maybe some of the radiation that was in the air messed my body up- we were on the cusp of the mandatory evacuation area from the nuclear meltdown, after all. Or maybe I have a genetic DNA mistake- my dad died of cancer when I was little, too. The doctors don’t really know, but it’s not like it really matters, right? It doesn’t change the fact that I _have_ cancer.” Hinata’s voice was a touch short, though when he looked up to meet Kageyama’s eyes again, the setter could see that rather than angry, Hinata looked uncertain- he looked afraid.

“Hinata…” Hinata bit his lip again, accidentally tearing the fabric of the cushion as his fingers tightened around it. He stared down at the cushion blankly as some of the stuffing spilled out, before pushing it away roughly and wrapping his arms around his legs. 

“It’s… it’s fine. I’ll get treatments, and I’ll… I’ll get better! The doctors said a lot of kids younger than me usually come out of this just fine!” Kageyama didn’t miss the way Hinata hesitated before he spoke, the teen continuing to refuse to meet Kageyama’s gaze as his arms tightened around his legs. 

“I just… The doctors said I’d probably have to give up volleyball for a little while. At least while I get chemotherapy. They think I probably won’t have the energy to play anyways.” Neither teen spoke for a few moments, the silence threatening to suffocate them both, before Kageyama managed to shakily clear his throat.

“Okay. Okay. Can… can you still come to school?” Hinata nodded.

“The doctors said they’d try to work out the schedule so that I don’t miss too much. I might miss a few days here and there, but for the most part, I should still be attending classes.” Kageyama breathed out a soft sigh of relief, leaning back against the couch as he began to try and process through everything Hinata had dropped upon him.

“So… when you do start? Treatments, I mean.” Hinata shrugged.

“Probably next week. My mom and I are going to talk to the principal and my homeroom teacher so I can be excused for my chemotherapy treatments. And… I’ll talk to Coach and Takeda-sensei soon.” Kageyama nodded.

“Hey… ‘yama?” Kageyama turned his head, peering curiously over at Hinata with his head tilted slightly.

“Would… would you tell Tsukki and Yamaguchi for me? And Yachi-chan too? I don’t… I don’t know if I’d be able to handle telling them. And… don’t tell the rest of the team yet, okay? Not… not until it’s necessary. I don’t want to discourage them.” Kageyama hesitated, searching Hinata's gaze. The two stared at each other for a long moment before Kageyama sighed and nodded, unable to deny Hinata when he had such a vulnerable, uncertain expression on his face.

“Sure.” Hinata’s face cleared marginally as he managed a small smile at Kageyama.

“Thanks, Tobio.” Kageyama nodded again, simply grateful that Hinata’s eyes had regained some of their usual sparkle- the unfamiliar, grim look in Hinata’s eyes had made him more unsettled than he’d ever like to admit. 

“So anyways, tell me, what does Yama have our kouhai doing today, and how jealous were they that you got to leave early?” Hinata’s voice had also returned to normal, having lost its underlying uncertainty and anxious tone. And Kageyama found himself answering in turn, his usual snark returning in full force as he replied.

The heavy topic from before was eagerly shoved aside as Kageyama began recounting how one of their kouhai had actually managed to spike a ball directly into Tsukishima’s face, and the absolutely deafening silence that had filled the gym afterwards. Hinata fell over laughing, clutching at his side with tears running down his cheeks as Kageyama explained how the first year middle blocker had actually fallen over when Tsukishima had walked over to him. The poor first year's entire body had vibrated in terror as Tsukishima had gently patted his shoulder and told him to “work on his aim”.

“Oh god, poor Minato-kun. Tsukishima seriously doesn’t realize just how terrifying he can be sometimes,” Hinata wheezed, still chuckling and wiping at his eyes as Kageyama began explaining the drills that they’d run the past week during practice. The duo fell into easy conversation, quickly managing to regain their lost momentum as they chatted cheerfully about both school and volleyball. Neither teen noticed when Hinata’s mother and younger sister poked their heads around the living room door. 

His mother’s gentle eyes filled with silent tears as she watched Hinata laugh at something Kageyama said, while Natsu watched the two pensively. After a few moments, she tugged on her mother’s shirt lightly to get her attention, something she hadn’t done since she was a small child.

“Kaa-san? Nii-chan is going to be fine… right? He’s going to be just fine?” Hinata’s mother smiled hollowly through her tears, reaching down to pull an equally worried Natsu into a tight hug as she whispered into her hair.

“I hope so, Nastu-chan.”

“I really hope so.”

\----

“Oi, Kageyama! Shrimpy not coming in today?” Kageyama shook his head as he tied his shoes, pulling the laces tight as he answered Tsukishima.

“No. He said he’s starting his first round of chemo today. He’ll be back in a few days.” Tsukishima tsked softly, before walking away to confer with Ukai and Yamaguchi, who were discussing the day’s practice schedule. 

It had been a week since Hinata had first told him about his condition, and the teen had returned to school a few days prior, feeling rather cooped up after spending so many days resting. When Kageyama had questioned Hinata’s sportswear clad presence in the gym that afternoon, the middle blocker had merely waved him off cheerfully.

“I’ll be fine, ‘yama. I haven’t even started my treatments yet- I should play while I can!” And despite Kageyama’s (and everyone else’s) worries, the middle blocker had participated in the entire practice, only having to stop a few times to catch his breath. Thankfully, none of their kouhai had questioned Hinata’s shortened endurance, all simply assuming that Hinata was still in the process of healing from his cold.

Kageyama had fulfilled Hinata’s wish for him to notify the other third years in a rather awkward conversation one evening a few days prior to Hinata’s return. Tsukishima had actually lost his ever present composure, his usual smirk disappearing and being replaced by a foreign look of upset while Yamaguchi had frozen still in shock. Yachi had nearly fainted, with both Kageyama and Tsukishima rushing forward when her knees had given out under her. The blonde manager had been inconsolable after Kageyama had caught her, sobbing in his arms as she cried about how unfair it was for Hinata to get sick. As the setter had tried to console the petite girl, Yamaguchi had suddenly left, his face set in an uncharacteristically grim look as he stomped his way out of the gym. 

All three of them had jumped when a few loud thuds had sounded from the outside, before Yamaguchi had walked back in, his face noticeably calmer as blood trickled down from angry scrapes covering the pale flesh of his right hand. 

The four of them (as well as Takeda and Ukai) had since resolved themselves to watch carefully over Hinata, making sure that the middle blocker wasn’t overexerting himself, and that he wasn’t in any danger of getting hurt, given just how easily Hinata bruised now. And though they all knew it bothered Hinata, for them to all hover over him like overprotective mother hens, not a single one of them could stop themselves, as Ukai excused Hinata from diving drills, and Tsukishima would block Hinata’s hands with his own whenever it appeared that a ball was being aimed at him.

On the third day of their overbearing actions, and with Yachi having asked a few too many times in the span of 5 minutes if he was feeling okay, Hinata had finally snapped. The rather irritated third year had firmly scolded them all, telling them that _he_ could manage himself just fine, thank you very much, and that he _did not_ need 6 more people hovering over him protectively, as he already had a mother at home who did that for him. 

Properly chastised, the four students had backed off, apologizing to the rather huffy middle blocker. Takeda and Ukai, while acknowledging that they were a _bit_ much, had refused to ease up on their hovering by telling the middle blocker that it was their jobs as his teacher and coach to worry. Hinata had been a little miffed that the adults in his life refused to let up, though a stern look from Takeda had him grudgingly accept that at least his peers would stop treating him like a porcelain doll. 

“Uhm… Kageyama-san? Is Hinata-san sick again?” Kageyama blinked as he looked up in surprise from where he’d been checking over the volleyballs. Standing a few feet away were three of Karasuno’s new first years, all looking a touch nervous in the presence of their vice-captain.

“Ah… He’s… being checked over. By his doctor,” Kageyama offered, though he could tell that his weak explanation hadn’t convinced the three 15 year olds standing in front of him. Kageyama shifted uncomfortably as three pairs of eyes gazed up at him skeptically, before he quickly grabbed three volleyballs from the basket, and thrust them into the arms of each first year. 

“Come on, we have to start practice. Go over and join the team.” All three first years hesitated, though a sharp look from Kageyama had all three of them scurrying off to join their teammates for a session of serve drills. Kageyama sighed deeply as he leaned into the volleyball basket. He could understand Hinata’s wish to keep their kouhai from being distracted, but he really wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep this up for. After all, Kageyama had always been an awful liar, and Hinata had missed so much school already that Kageyama knew the others on the team were bound to figure out that something was amiss. 

“Oi, Kageyama! Come here, and demonstrate your jump serve again, would you?” Kageyama straightened and let out another sigh as he grabbed a volleyball from the basket and called out an affirmative reply to Yamaguchi. 

Kageyama forced a neutral look on his face as he turned and headed back towards the volleyball net. The setter twirled the ball in his hands as he walked, the familiar motion soothing some of Kageyama’s turbulent emotions. 

It wasn’t really the time to be worrying about this anyways.

\----

Kageyama shivered as he made his way down the street, wishing he were still inside the warmth of the bus. Though it was only September, the nights were already quite cold, and Kageyama almost found himself wishing he’d chosen to go home, rather than go check up on Hinata. A persistent worry had wormed its way into the setter’s heart over the long practice, refusing to die down despite Kageyama’s best efforts to firmly shove it away. 

As a result, Kageyama found himself walking up to Hinata’s home, having taken the 30 minute bus journey over the mountain with his overnight bag, intending to spend the weekend (or at least, the one night) with Hinata, and finally laying his worries to rest by showing the one, insistently morbid part of his brain that Hinata was _just fine._

Kageyama quietly made his way up the short path, feet crunching on fallen leaves and an icy wind blowing through his dark locks as he stopped, having reached their front door. He took a deep breath, composing himself, and gripped his duffel bag tighter, reminding himself that he was simply here to spend a night with Hinata, like he’d done so many times before. It was normal for Kageyama to show up at Hinata’s house without warning, and vice versa, and neither Hinata’s parents nor Kageyama’s older sister questioned it anymore when the other suddenly appeared. 

They were a duo after all, and one was rarely, if ever, found without the other nearby.

Kageyama was just here to check up on Hinata, and make sure the teen was okay- nothing weird about that. He was just being a good friend, and good friends checked up on their friends when they were sick.

Besides, Hinata _would be fine._ It had only been the teen’s first chemo session- there was no reason Hinata wouldn’t be okay.

Kageyama quickly raised his hand and knocked on the door before he could talk himself out of it, shifting from foot to foot as he waited for someone to open the door. One minute stretched into two, then three, and Kageyama was about to knock again, when his phone went off, startling the teen. He scrambled to take his phone out of his jacket pocket, blinking in surprise when he saw the caller ID.

It was Hinata.

“Hinata?” There was a soft intake of breath before the teen responded, his voice distinctly having the breathy undertones of someone who’d been crying. Kageyama’s worry spiked as he gripped his phone tighter.

“Y-you’re at my house right now, right?” Kageyama frowned.

“I am… Why?” There was another small sniff, and Hinata’s voice came again, clearly upset.

“I’m at Miyagi Children’s Hospital. I… Can you come? Please?” Kageyama’s blood ran cold at the raw fear he could hear in Hinata’s voice. The setter immediately spun on his heel, tucking his duffel bag up to his chest as he began running, feet flying as he made his way down the sidewalk towards the nearest train station.

“I’m coming. Wait for me.” Another quiet sniff sounded before Hinata spoke again shakily.

“...thank you.” Kageyama bit his lip as he ran, swerving between people as the train station began to come into view. He all but slammed his card down on the reader as he quickly darted through the gate, slowing down instinctively into a fast walk as he headed towards the train platforms. His eyes darted around as he searched the various signs, quickly spotting the train he needed to take and heading to stand behind the designated lines.

“I’ll be there soon.” Kageyama fidgeted anxiously as he waited, though he managed to stop himself from tapping his foot against the concrete by fiddling with the straps of his bag nervously. 

“Okay.” 

“Don’t cry.” 

“...I’ll try.” Kageyama shakily let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding as the train came rolling up, and people began exiting the cars.

“The train’s here. I gotta go.” 

“Okay.” 

“Wait for me. I won’t be long.” 

“...hurry.” Kageyama sighed deeply as the call ended, sinking down heavily into one of the empty seats of the train as he pocketed his phone. As the train began making its way down the track, Kageyama groaned softly and buried his head in his bag, his chest tight and head slightly dizzy. 

Hinata was most definitely _not_ fine _._

\----

“...Hinata?” The teen’s head snapped up as Kageyama entered Hinata’s hospital room, his hands tightening around the thin fabric of his hospital sheets as he met Kageyama’s worried gaze. Hinata’s mother gently patted Kageyama’s shoulder as she turned to leave the two of them alone, murmuring that she’d be in the hallway if they needed her.

Once the door closed behind her, Kageyama opened his mouth, then closed it again as his words failed him at the sight that greeted him. Hinata seemed so small, and young as he stared up at Kageyama from his bed, eyes wide from his evident anxiety. Kageyama knew that the teen had always been on the smaller side, but seeing him look so utterly defenseless, covered in wires that connected to various parts of his body, broke something within the stoic teen and made tears prick unwillingly at his dark blue eyes. 

The two stared at each other for a long moment, a sober atmosphere filling the room, before Hinata broke their eye contact as he chose to instead stare down at his bed. Hinata hesitated momentarily, fiddling again with his sheets, before he lightly patted the end of his bed and beckoned for the setter to come closer. Kageyama immediately placed his duffle bag down on the floor as he walked over to Hinata, sitting down carefully on the end of his bed. The two sat in silence for a few moments, before Hinata finally spoke, his voice still a touch thick from having spent a while crying.

“Thank you very much for coming.” Hinata’s voice was far too polite and reserved, a sharp contrast from his normally honest personality. An uncomfortable weight settled within the pit of Kageyama’s stomach at Hinata’s words, causing him to immediately throw the teen an unamused glare.

“Stop it.” Hinata blinked, before a subtle flush appeared over his cheeks, helping to offset the unnatural paleness of his cheeks.

“Right, sorry. I… uh… have something to tell you.” Kageyama raised his eyebrows, dark blue eyes staring questioningly at Hinata. Hinata fidgeted with his blankets again, before he sighed deeply, shoulders drooping as he finally met Kageyama’s gaze again.

“It’s worse than the doctors thought.” Kageyama didn’t respond, the awful, aching tightness in his chest growing as Hinata continued to speak, his voice rather flat and emotionless.

“They took new tests today, just to confirm before we started chemo, and apparently my cancer spread. They want to keep me in hospital for now, and receive treatment and IV fluids and stuff regularly. So… I guess I won’t be coming back to school for a while.” Hinata stopped, gazing uncertainly at Kageyama. The teen stared back, not knowing how he was supposed to respond.

Was there something he was supposed to say? What exactly _was_ someone supposed to say, when they were told that their best friend and partner was even sicker than they’d originally thought? … was there even a right answer to give, in a situation like this?

If there was, Kageyama sure as hell didn’t know. 

“Anyways, since I can’t go back to school, would you mind bringing me my schoolwork? It wouldn’t have to be everyday- just a few times a week would work.” Kageyama just stared incredulously as Hinata continued to blabber on.

“There isn’t really much else that I can do, stuck here, so I figured I might as well start trying to be a good student. I mean, though, if you can’t, then I can ask Yachi-chan maybe-” Hinata broke off as Kageyama suddenly yanked Hinata into a tight hug.

“ _Shut up_ , about your damn schoolwork.” Kageyama’s voice cracked as he whispered. He clutched into Hinata desperately, trying to put all of the words he couldn’t say into the hug. 

Hinata immediately teared up, hands clutching at the front of Kageyama’s sweater tightly as he buried his face into the setter’s sturdy chest. A few choked sobs escaped the teen as he hid his face in Kageyama’s sweater. 

“It’s okay. Let it go.” There was a moment of silence following Kageyama’s whisper, before Hinata finally broke down, his shoulders heaving as he sobbed. Kageyama felt tears prick at his own eyes as he held Hinata close, gently stroking Hinata’s fluffy hair in an attempt to comfort the distraught teen.

“ _I’m so scared._ ” Kageyama had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep his tears from falling at Hinata’s muffled whisper.

“I know.”

“I didn’t want to get sick- I wanted to play volleyball. I was planning on continuing to train, after high school, before I joined a professional team. I had it all worked out. I- I wanted to keep going, and play with you.” The words continued to tumble out of Hinata’s mouth as he cried, a series of hiccups escaping the sobbing teen as he all but whimpered.

“ _I don’t want to die._ ” Kageyama shivered and winced, feeling remarkably like someone had punched him in the gut. Unable to respond, the setter instead tightened his grip around Hinata’s smaller frame as he rapidly blinked tears out of his eyes. If _he_ started crying, Kageyama knew that Hinata would never stop, and that was the last thing he wanted. 

Kageyama kept his arms tightly around Hinata as the teen cried himself out. The heavy silence that filled the room was broken only by Hinata’s gradually slowing sobs and Kageyama’s emotional sighs. It was nearly 10 minutes before Hinata finally raised his head, looking up at Kageyama rather sheepishly through swollen, red eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” Kageyama simply shook his head, feeling grateful that his own urge to cry had also faded.

“Don’t be.” Hinata opened his mouth, presumably about to protest, or apologize again, but a sharp look from Kageyama had the teen close his mouth, a tiny pout crossing his face as he sighed. 

“I still feel bad.” 

“You’re sick. You’re allowed to feel bad.” Hinata glared at Kageyama, sticking his tongue out childishly at the taller teen in response.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Kageyama sighed softly as he reached over to the teen’s bedside table to grab him a tissue, which Hinata quietly accepted.

“Yeah, I know.” A yawn escaped Hinata then, causing his already flushed cheeks to burn brighter as he covered his mouth with one hand embarrassedly. 

“Tired?” Hinata nodded, cheeks burning as Kageyama gently pulled away from Hinata, making sure not to tangle or dislodge any of the wires connected to Hinata’s body, and helped the teen lay down on his bed. Once the teen was safely nestled under his blankets, Kageyama straightened, hesitating as he looked down at Hinata. 

“Er… I’ll come back to visit tomorrow, if that’s okay?” Hinata nodded, blinking slowly as his eyes began to close, his body finally relaxing against the bed’s mattress. 

“Thank you for being here, ‘yama.” Kageyama nodded.

“Yeah, sure. Goodnight, Hinata.” Kageyama made to move away, when Hinata’s voice spoke up again, soft and full of sleep. 

“Make sure you come back, okay? I’ll miss seeing you at school.” A lump settled itself into Kageyama’s throat, forcing the setter to turn so that he could blink away his tears again for the umpteenth time that evening. 

Once he’d somewhat recomposed himself, Kageyama turned back and managed a tiny smile in Hinata’s direction, which he was relieved to see made Hinata’s face brighten marginally. His brown eyes peered up sleepily at Kageyama, a small smile crossing Hinata’s face before his eyes slowly closed and Hinata drifted off. Kageyama stood there quietly, watching Hinata’s chest rise and fall slowly, before he turned and silently stole from the room, whispering softly as he closed the door behind him. 

“I’ll always come back.” 

\----

“Hinata-kun!” Yachi called out, dashing into the room and throwing her arms around the teen. Hinata’s face lit up as returned her tight hug happily, snuggling the petite girl close. After a moment, Hinata pulled away and peered over her shoulder, his face brightening even further as he spotted the other third years in the doorway.

“Hey, everyone! I didn’t expect to see you all tonight!” Hinata eagerly waved them all in, hands flapping quickly in his excitement. Smiles crossed Kageyama and Yamaguchi’s faces, the two exchanging fond looks as they entered the room, while Tsukishima simply gave a soft cluck of his tongue as he smirked. 

It had been three weeks since Hinata had been hospitalized, and Kageyama had dutifully kept his promise to visit Hinata, managing to stick to a routine of visiting once during the school week, and then on weekends. Yachi had accompanied Kageyama once before, along with visiting Hinata a few times on her own. She brought small care packages and notes from the younger members of the volleyball team, which Kageyama knew Hinata truly appreciated. Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had also visited Hinata a few times on their own, during which the two had _attempted_ to tutor Hinata in his schoolwork. 

(Hinata’s declaration to work harder in his studies clearly hadn’t lasted, from the rather exasperated whining Kageyama had had to endure the days following their visit.)

All in all, it was a hectic time, and Kageyama hadn’t actually been sure he’d be able to visit Hinata this evening, especially since Spring Interhigh Qualifiers started the following day. But Ukai had encouraged the 4 third years to go visit him, reminding them that the middle blocker was likely more than a little disappointed at having to miss his final high school qualifiers. 

Acknowledging the truth in their coach’s words Yamaguchi had let their kouhai out half an hour early, telling them all to go home and rest. The four of them had worked quickly to lock up the gym, before they’d all hurried to catch a train for an impromptu visit to Hinata. 

“Hey, Shrimpy. Finished that math homework from last time?” Hinata pouted and stuck his tongue out at Tsukishima as the tall teen leaned against the end of his hospital bed. 

“I did, but I’m not asking you for help anymore- Yachi-chan does a much better job than you at tutoring.” Yamaguchi snickered as Tsukishima lightly flicked Hinata’s forehead, the middle blocker protesting mildly as he swatted the blonde teen’s hand away. 

“Tsu-kun, don’t tease him,” Yachi chided gently, crossing her arms as she gave the tall teen one of her “head manager” looks. Tsukishima immediately bowed slightly in her direction and mumbled an apology, making the other three laugh as she smiled approvingly. 

“Don’t worry, Hinata-kun,” Yachi added, as she turned back towards the teen, “I’ll visit next week, and we can work on English and math then.” Hinata nodded his thanks at the petite girl, his eyes crinkling slightly at the corners as he smiled at her warmly.

“Thanks, Yachi-chan. Now, tell me, tell me! Who’s playing in the starting line up, now that I’m out?” Hinata immediately turned back to the other three, his entire demeanor changing as he gazed at them expectantly. Yamaguchi and Kageyama exchanged another fond look, while Tsukishima simply snorted softly. Yachi scrambled to pull her notebook out of her bag, quickly scanning over the notes she’d scribbled during practice.

“Okay, so Kageyama-kun is obviously the starting setter, along with Tsu-kun, Yama-kun, and Minato-kun as middle blockers. And…” Kageyama toned Yachi’s chirpy voice out as she continued to prattle on, instead choosing to quietly gaze around Hinata’s hospital room. 

The walls themselves were rather bare and plain, though there were a few pictures of Hinata’s mother and Natsu on the wall above Hinata’s bed. Next to his bed, on his nightstand, were framed photos of the Karasuno volleyball team, from all three years that they’d been students. Surrounding the pictures were the various cards and notes that Yachi had brought for Hinata from the team and other students at school, which added a much welcome pop of color to the blank room. 

A foldable cot was nestled in one corner of the room, which Kageyama knew Hinata’s mother had used for the first few nights, when she and Natsu had stayed overnight with Hinata. It hadn’t been used since, as Natsu was only 12 after all, and she wasn’t quite at an age where she could stay home alone all night long. Hinata also hadn’t wanted to force his mother and younger sister to sleep on uncomfortable cots, when they had perfectly good beds at home, so the foldable cot stayed where it was in the corner. 

Kageyama had wanted to offer to sleepover at the hospital with Hinata, as he knew how lonely Hinata got. There was always a hollow sadness that filled Hinata’s expression whenever he or Hinata’s mother and sister had to leave, especially at night. But, as much as Kageyama wished he could stay, with Spring Interhigh Qualifiers the following day, the setter simply hadn’t had enough time to keep up with his own schoolwork, let alone spend extra time hanging out with his best friend. 

Once qualifiers were over, Kageyama silently promised, as he turned his attention back to the rest of the group, he would offer to stay the night with Hinata. After all, it wasn’t just Hinata who was missing the company of his friends- Kageyama missed Hinata too, maybe even more than he was willing to admit. 

The other four were still discussing the starting line up for the following day’s tournament, and Kageyama found himself watching Hinata as he tuned back in, surreptitiously studying Hinata’s face.

The teen was actively participating in the conversation, nodding thoughtfully as Yachi and Yamaguchi spoke and offering input here and there as he saw fit. And though Kageyama could see that Hinata was doing his best to hide his emotions, the teen’s underlying disappointment and upset at not being able to actually go and play himself was clearly evident. The mild furrow in Hinata’s eyebrows, and the way Hinata’s fingers were slightly twisted around the thin sheets on his bed clearly clued Kageyama in on just how unhappy Hinata was, and it killed Kageyama to know his best friend was hurting so badly.

Kageyama sighed deeply, though he tried to keep his soft exhale from interrupting Yachi’s explanation as to why they’d gone with their first year libero, over their second year. He hadn't been quiet enough though, as he still managed to catch Yamaguchi’s attention. The freckled teen threw Kageyama a small, sad smile before he reached over to lightly squeeze Kageyama’s shoulder.

“I know- I hate seeing him like this too.” Kageyama didn’t respond, instead gazing silently at Hinata through clouded eyes as Yamaguchi also sighed softly beside him. 

It wasn’t _fair_ that a senior like Hinata could only participate in a sport he’d invested his entire life into through conversations about starting line-ups. He hadn’t even been able to watch everyone _practice_ , instead having to rely on anecdotes from his teammates and the reports that Yachi and her two assistant managers drew up. Hinata couldn’t watch his kouhai improve, he couldn’t witness the team truly growing together as a single unit, as a _family_. 

It wasn’t _fair_. 

The sudden buzzing of Yachi’s phone startled them all, making the petite girl scramble to silence the chiming alarm frantically. 

“Ah, sorry! I set an alarm, so that we wouldn’t stay too long tonight. Sorry, Hinata-kun, but it’s gone 8 now, and we have to catch the train back. We’ll come back to visit once it’s over, okay?” The light atmosphere in the room suddenly grew heavy as the four boys all blinked at Yachi blankly. She smiled hesitantly and an apologetic look crossed her face as all four of their expressions fell with the sudden realization that Hinata truly _wasn’t_ going to be present for the tournament. 

“Ah- right. Right, sorry, Hinata. We’ve gotta go and rest up for tomorrow- so we’re in top shape, y’know?” Yamaguchi was the first to recover, quickly managing to throw Hinata a small smile as he stood from the chair he’d been sitting on. Hinata blinked again, before he nodded, his smile not quite reaching his eyes as he watched the other two also awkwardly stand up. 

“Sure, yeah. Uhm… good luck tomorrow! Text me as soon as the games are over! And, ‘yama- if your sets are lousy, I’ll sic Natsu on you!” Hinata’s voice was rather hollow, though he still tried to beam and chirp out a cheerful response. Kageyama attempted to smile back at Hinata, though he was pretty sure it came out more like a grimace, from the look on Yachi’s face. 

“Goodnight, shrimpy.” Tsukishima’s voice came then, breaking the awkward silence that had stretched out over them all. Yamaguchi and Yachi also each chimed in with their goodbyes, and the three began to make their way out of Hinata’s hospital room. Kageyama stayed in place as he met Hinata’s uncertain gaze. 

“...good luck, ‘yama.” Kageyama bit his lip, his dark blue eyes boring into Hinata’s brown ones, silently begging for Hinata to get up, to join him, and not leave him alone on the court tomorrow. Hinata stared back, eyebrows also furrowed as he opened, then closed his mouth, unable to say anything in response. 

“Kageyama-kun, we have to go. We’ll miss our train.” A soft touch on Kageyama’s shoulder broke the setter free, and Kageyama immediately turned away, letting Yachi gently guide him out of the room. As they reached the door, Kageyama stopped, and turned back again towards Hinata. He regretted it immediately, as Hinata’s face was an indescribable mess of upset, uncertainty, and longing. 

“I’ll come back.” Something in Hinata’s troubled eyes cleared at Kageyama’s words, some of the clouds seeming to lift as Hinata nodded slowly. 

“Okay.”

“See you later.” There was a moment, during which Kageyama thought Hinata would say something in response, but the teen simply nodded as he turned away, gazing down at his sheets as one hand began fiddling with his hair. 

“Come on, Kageyama-kun.” Kageyama silently allowed himself to be pulled away from the room, a flash of bright orange catching his eye on Hinata’s bedsheets, though the door closed before he could properly see what it was. 

“He’ll be okay.” Kageyama gazed down at Yachi, whose face was equally worried despite the reassuring tone in her voice. Kageyama sighed deeply as he followed Tsukishima and Yamaguchi down the hall towards the elevator, his heart aching in his chest.

“I hope so.” 

\----

“Kageyama!!! Congrats!!” Kageyama blinked. 

Of all the things he’d been expecting, this certainly hadn’t been it.

“I can’t believe you guys beat Shiratorizawa like that! Goshiki-kun must’ve been so mad! And Kunimi and Kindaichi-kun, too! The way you did that dump straight over their heads! God, that game was so close!” Hinata was beaming as he waved his hand wildly at Kageyama, the screen of his phone still bright from where he’d evidently been reading up on the outcome of the tournament that had taken place the previous weekend. 

The Karasuno team had managed to procure a win against the other Miyagi powerhouse schools, cementing their presence at the Spring Interhigh Nationals for the third year in a row. Yamaguchi had been absolutely delighted, the freckled teen having shed happy tears as he commended the team during their post match meeting. Kageyama knew how much Yamaguchi had hoped that they would make it to nationals that year, as he knew how much the teen doubted himself- so much so that the freckled teen had turned down Ennoshita’s offer of captaincy at first, telling him to instead offer it to Kageyama. Their 3-1 victory against Shiratorizawa in the finals would do wonders in boosting Yamaguchi’s confidence, and Kageyama was truly glad that things had turned out okay. 

The setter hadn’t managed to visit Hinata on the Sunday following the tournament, having just barely managed to crawl from his bed to eat before crawling back in to sleep a total of 16 hours. The following few days had been a flurry of activity for the third year as well, as he’d had to make up the work he’d missed from the Thursday and Friday of the tournament, which made Kageyama forever grateful for having someone as intelligent as Yachi as their manager. 

As a result, Kageyama hadn’t managed to visit Hinata until the following Thursday, which meant that over a week had passed since he’d seen the energetic middle blocker, and the scene that greeted him floored Kageyama, rendering him silent as he gaped openly at Hinata. 

“‘nata…” Hinata paused from his prattle, blinking uncomprehendingly for a few moments before a slightly sheepish grin crossed his face. One hand unconsciously reached up to his head, where a black beanie, complete with two cat ears poking up at the top, now sat snuggly over his newly shaved head. Kageyama continued to stare incredulously at Hinata, making the formerly orange haired teen flush under his scrutiny.

“Er… my hair started to fall out, a few days ago. There were a lot of clumps just coming out, so my mom and Natsu helped me shave it off yesterday. And Kenma bought me this hat for my birthday, last year, and I dunno, it just seemed right…” Hinata trailed off, biting his lip uncertainly as he gazed back at the setter. Kageyama simply stared back, unable to believe what he was seeing. 

While not the first attribute one would notice about Hinata (Hinata’s boundless energy and overall cheery sociability were definitely the first things that Kageyama had noticed, himself), the rather bright mess of orange curls was definitely up there on the list of things you’d first notice about the unique entity that was Hinata Shoyo. To see them all suddenly missing, and replaced by a simple (though, admittedly cute) black cat beanie was rather startling, and Kageyama found himself oddly upset as he stared at the top of Hinata’s head, which now reminded the setter of one Tanaka Ryuunosuke, though not necessarily in a good way. 

“It’s…. It’s nice.” Hinata blinked, his head tilting at Kageyama’s response.

“What is?” 

“Your… hat?” Hinata blinked again, before he smiled softly, his lips quirking up to one side. 

“It’s okay, ‘yama.” Hinata’s eyes had darkened, and his overall demeanor had sobered, though he kept a small half smile on his face. “You don’t have to try and be nice- I know it’s weird.” 

Hinata tugged at his beanie, pulling it further down his head as Kageyama swallowed thickly, trying to force words out of his mouth. 

“Can I buy you one too?” Kageyama cursed himself internally- what kind of stupid response was that? Kageyama flushed immediately as he backtracked, stumbling over his words as he quickly tried to recover. 

“Wait- I mean-”

“You want to?” Hinata’s voice was soft as he cut Kageyama off, his gaze unreadable as he peered up at Kageyama. The teen’s hand froze from where it’d been fiddling with one of the cat ears on his head, his fingers instead tightening around the knitted fabric. Kageyama bit his lip, praying he was making the correct choice as he nodded slowly.

Thankfully, it seemed that he had, going by the way Hinata’s eyes widened slightly and his expression cleared, a truly genuine smile finally making its way across Hinata’s face.

“Thank you. Yes, please then. I love Kenma, but I’m not really a cat person, y’know? Think you could find me something more, me?” Kageyama nodded again, his shoulders relaxing slightly as he gave Hinata a tiny, hesitant smile. 

“Do you want a crow then? For Karasuno?” Hinata paused, one hand coming to rest on his chin as he pondered thoughtfully.

“Hmm… maybe. I wonder if they sell any that are related to volleyball?” Kageyama shrugged, grimacing slightly as an awful image of Hinata clad in a bright blue and yellow Mikasa volleyball beanie entered his head.

“I’ll look into it- maybe I’ll talk to Asahi-san.” Hinata nodded eagerly, the slightly wistful look in his eyes thankfully having disappeared. A slightly awkward silence stretched out between them for a few moments, before Kageyama coughed, and gestured vaguely with one hand.

“So you were watching the recordings?” 

\----

It was easy, Kageyama realized, to forget just how sick Hinata was sometimes. 

Most days, when the setter visited, Hinata was bouncy and cheerful, and every bit the same, enthusiastic volleyball loving maniac Kageyama had always known him to be, even without the messy mop of hair he’d once called a hairstyle. As the weeks passed, and they slowly inched closer to the start of Spring Interhigh Nationals, Hinata would badger Kageyama (and the other third years) more and more for updates on the team’s progress, and who they thought would be in the lineup this time around. 

There simply weren’t many signs to remind Kageyama that his best friend was in fact suffering through a potentially fatal illness, especially once Hinata’s appetite had improved. The teen would pester Kageyama to bring him meat buns from Ukai’s shop regularly, all but pouting whenever Kageyama arrived without the now familiar paper big in hand. 

(Kageyama was just glad Ukai didn’t charge him for the meat buns anymore, as his coach had found out that he was purchasing them for Hinata.)

The two would often munch on the meat buns as they worked through homework and studying, quizzing each other on English vocab as they ate, much to Hinata’s mother’s fond amusement. Their playful banter filled the room as Hinata would swipe the last meat bun from the bag, taking advantage of Kageyama’s distraction as he worked through a more convoluted math problem. A few times, a nurse would poke her head around Hinata’s door, gently reminding the two teens that there were other children present on the floor, some of whom were asleep, and that they _needed_ to quiet down a little. Both teens would bow in apology, before resuming their arguments in heated whispers. And in line with keeping his promise, Kageyama now spent most weekends staying at the hospital with Hinata, arriving straight after practice on Friday nights, and leaving just early enough to catch the last bus back home on Sunday evenings. 

Hinata was always more energetic during the weekend, as his chemo treatments often happened while Kageyama was at school during the week. Consequently, impromptu pillow fights would often break out between the two teens on the weekends, making Hinata’s mother hurriedly rush to take the fluffy weapons away from them. She would then exasperatedly usher the two of them out of the room to go be chaotic somewhere else, though Kageyama knew the woman was secretly pleased that Hinata was so lively. 

The two would walk up and down the colorful halls of the children’s hospital for hours most days. Hinata would cheerfully wave at the nurses and doctors he knew, while also stopping to visit the other patients, greeting them all with big grins and peace signs. The younger children all adored Hinata, as he would entertain them with his very exciting (and perhaps a little embellished) volleyball tournament stories. Kageyama would simply exchange amused grins with their parents, as the children would watch Hinata through wide, starstruck eyes, always begging the teen to stay and tell them more stories. The other teens on the ward also enjoyed Hinata’s company, seemingly finding comfort in having someone like Hinata around: a ball of positive energy in what was ultimately a cancer ward for children.

The autumn term flew by in a blur of visiting Hinata, doing schoolwork, volleyball practice, and practice matches. During weekend practice matches, when Kageyama was unable to be with Hinata in person, the setter would instead video call the teen, propping his phone up on a chair so that the middle blocker could watch the game as they played. Hearing Hinata’s calls of “nice kill!”, and similar helped boost the team’s morale, all of their kouhai visibly brightening when they heard their senpai’s encouraging voice. 

Overall, Kageyama had finally settled himself into his “new life”, having accepted that this was the way his life had to be, at least until Hinata was well enough to leave the hospital and return home. Which, from the updates Hinata gave him on a weekly basis, would hopefully be before the New Year, as the chemo had started to make progress on removing the cancerous cells from Hinata’s body. 

So it came as a shock when Kageyama walked into Hinata’s room, one chilly afternoon at the end of October, the usual bag of meat buns clenched tightly in one hand, to be greeted with the sound of Hinata being violently sick. Kageyama froze in the doorway as Hinata retched in a plastic bin, coughing as more stomach bile passed through his already sore throat. Hinata’s mother gently soothed the trembling teen, rubbing his back as she reached for a tissue to wipe Hinata’s mouth with. As she did, she finally noticed Kageyama standing in the doorway, and threw the shell-shocked teen a weary smile.

“Ah, hi, Kageyama-kun. Sorry, could you give us a moment?” Kageyama nodded numbly as Hinata’s head flew up, his eyes widening as he spotted Kageyama standing in the doorway. Hinata’s mouth opened, before he suddenly heaved again and buried his head back into the plastic bucket. 

Once Hinata had finally finished, the teen exhaustedly leaned back against his bed, his skin tinged with grey as he panted and trembled. Kageyama watched silently as Hinata’s mother tenderly wiped at the sweat that had beaded on the teen’s forehead, before removing the container. An orderly poked his head into Hinata’s room, exchanging a glance with Hinata’s mother as he took the bucket from her and handed her a clean one. After placing the clean bin on the side table next to Hinata’s bed, she soothingly rubbed the top of Hinata’s shoulder, pressing a soft kiss against his forehead as she straightened. 

“I’ll be right back- I’ll leave you to talk while I go grab something from the cafeteria. Do you want anything, Shoyo?” Hinata shook his head slightly, his lips pressed tightly together in an attempt to keep himself from vomiting yet again. Hinata’s mother nodded and squeezed his shoulder as she left, also patting Kageyama’s shoulder gently as she passed by the still silent teen. As the door closed behind her, silence filled the room, broken only by the soft beeping of the heart monitor connected to Hinata’s chest. Kageyama let out a soft breath, making Hinata turn towards him, an embarrassed blush standing out brightly against his pale skin. 

“Are… are you okay?” Hinata snorted softly, crossing his arms over his chest as he threw Kageyama a half-hearted glare.

“What do you think?” Kageyama winced, though he ignored Hinata’s slightly sarcastic tone, recognizing that the teen was grouchy from the pain and discomfort.

“Sorry.” Hinata shrugged, pulling his knees up to his chest as he sighed softly. 

“S’okay. Sorry for being snappy- my body isn’t really responding to the anti-nausea medication anymore so I’m having trouble keeping stuff down.” Kageyama frowned, head tilting slightly to one side.

“Anti-nausea medication?” Hinata nodded, sighing as his shoulders drooped disappointedly. 

“I’ve been on anti-nausea meds since I started chemo. But my chemo doses have gotten stronger, and my meds don’t seem to be working anymore.” 

“You never told me.” Hinata shrugged, waving for Kageyama to come closer as he resituated himself on the bed, grimacing as he pressed one hand to his stomach. Kageyama approached the teen hesitantly, fingers tightening awkwardly around the top of the paper bag he was holding. 

“Well, it wasn’t really an issue, up until now. The meds they gave me worked. I kept food down, which was all that really mattered.” Kageyama could hear the slight pout in the teen’s voice, which caught the setter off guard- Hinata had been fine with his eating, hadn’t he? Hinata had been happily enjoying the meat buns that Kageyama brought with him, and Kageyama had seen that Hinata’s appetite was up- more so than it had been just a few weeks prior. 

“What do you mean?” Hinata paused, more color flooding his cheeks as he turned away slightly, fingers tugging at the thin blanket that covered his legs. 

“Nothing really tastes the same anymore. Not even meat buns. I just kind of eat because I have to.” There was a moment of silence, before Hinata spoke up again. 

“Sorry, I don’t mean to complain- I know I’m lucky to have even been able to eat these past few weeks. I just…” Hinata trailed off, staring down at his bed uncomfortably. Kageyama simply stared, more than a little thrown off by Hinata’s reluctant admission. 

“What… what happens now?” Hinata blinked, glancing over at the taller teen curiously.

“What do you mean?” Kageyama swallowed, gripping the bag of meat buns tighter. 

“What happens if you can’t eat anymore?” Hinata sighed, fingers starting to pick at the thin blanket that covered him again (the poor blanket was starting to fray from how much Hinata fiddled with it, Kageyama noted distractedly). 

“Well… the doctors said they’d try me on some new meds. I’ve already gone through three types, though, so I’m not too hopeful. If I can’t eat… then they’ll probably have to start giving more IV fluids and if it gets really bad… well they talked about an NG tube. A feeding tube,” Hinata clarified, spotting the blank look on Kageyama’s face.

“But they’re hoping it won’t come to that,” Hinata added quickly, as Kageyama’s face twisted into one of slight horror and worry. The teen reached over to pat Kageyama’s shoulder gently, offering the distressed setter a reassuring smile. 

“I’ll keep trying to eat- don’t look so sad, ‘yama. So keep bringing me these meat buns, okay?” Hinata smiled as he lightly plucked the paper bag from Kageyama’s hand, placing it down next to the empty plastic bin on his bedside table. Kageyama stared down at his empty hand for a moment, before he raised his head and met Hinata’s brown eyes. The two stared at each other silently, neither blinking, before Hinata shook his head slightly. Kageyama sighed deeply, finally conceding as he sank down in the chair next to Hinata’s bed. Hinata grinned then, grabbing a notebook from his rather cluttered bedside table and flipping quickly to a page. 

“So I noticed in the last game, that Saito-kun had trouble keeping up with Minato-kun and Tsukishima- how’s he been during practices?” As Kageyama answered, the setter couldn’t help but feel uneasy, surreptitiously examining Hinata as they began discussing what Hinata had observed at the last practice match. 

If Hinata had been hiding one secret about his illness, chances were that he was hiding more. Was Hinata sicker than he was letting on? Was there something even worse going on with Hinata, that Kageyama wasn’t privy to? Did Hinata think that Kageyama wasn’t mature enough, or wise enough to be able to handle whatever Hinata was going through? Was Hinata dying?? He- 

“Tobio.” Kageyama blinked, shaking himself as he spotted Hinata gazing at him through exasperated eyes. 

“What, boke?” Hinata stuck his tongue out in response as he reached up to gently pat Kageyama’s head. 

“ _You’re_ the boke. I didn’t tell you about my nausea and stuff because I _knew_ you’d get all worried over nothing. I’m _okay._ The doctors won’t let me starve to death. This is normal, for someone going through chemo.” Kageyama blinked again, before a deep flush rose up his neck and spread over his cheeks. 

Of course. Kageyama was just being stupid. He was letting his mind run away with him- something that his older sister, Miwa, had often teased him over when they were younger. It was a bad habit of his, to get overly focused on one thing, and to shove away any possible help in favor of trying to figure it out himself. He’d done it in volleyball too, and Kageyama knew he would never live down shutting down Hinata in their first year about their new quick. 

“Right. Sorry.” Hinata shook his head, smiling fondly as he gazed up at Kageyama. 

“S’ok. I know how you get sometimes. Can we get back to talking about that practice match, now? If you’re done being a worrywart?” Kageyama nodded, determinedly not meeting Hinata’s amused gaze as he quickly dug around in his bag for the notebook Yachi had given him to pass on to Hinata. 

He didn’t need to worry. Hinata was in the hospital, under the care of many capable doctors, and he would be fine. Hinata had simply kept the information about his nausea from Kageyama, to keep the setter from becoming worried and distracted. There was nothing to worry about. Hinata would be fine.

He would be. 

He… would be.

….

Right?

\----

“Shoyooo! We come bearing gifts!” Both Hinata and Kageyama’s heads flew up at Nishinoya’s cheery voice, Hinata brightening as he spotted the group of Karasuno alumni standing in the doorway.

“Noya-san! And everyone else, too! I missed you all!” Hinata beamed as the group of 5 entered the room, Tanaka and Nishinoya both eagerly rushing forward to greet the equally excited teen. Suga and Daichi chuckled as they made their way in more sedately, while Asahi hurried in after the chaotic duo, hovering worriedly as Tanaka’s elbow caught Hinata’s IV line in his overzealous attempt to hug the younger teen.

“Be careful, you two! How are you feeling, Hinata-kun?” Hinata smiled up at Asahi from between Suga’s arms, where the former setter had taken over in hugging the teen. 

“I’m alright, thanks Asahi-san! And thank you for this, by the way! I love it!” Hinata grinned as he pointed a finger up to his head, where a simple, dark blue beanie sat, embroidered with a picture of two crows passing a volleyball between each other. Asahi blushed, though he smiled warmly as he reached over to pat Hinata’s shoulder.

“Of course. I’m glad you like it.” Suga pulled back from the hug, though he lightly kept his hands on Hinata’s shoulders as he thoughtfully noted Hinata’s pale complexion and dark circles. 

“You sure you’re feeling okay? We don’t have to stay long if you’re tired, or even come back another time.” Hinata shook his head emphatically.

“No, I’m okay! Please, stay! This boke starts getting boring after a few hours,” Hinata joked, sticking his tongue out playfully at Kageyama. Kageyama threw the teen a scowl, making Hinata grin back at him impishly.

“Shut up, boke. I won’t stay with you anymore.” Tanaka and Nishinoya both burst out laughing at the look on Kageyama’s face, the setter flushing slightly as he huffed in fake irritation. 

“Aww, I know you won’t leave~ You love me too much.” Hinata smirked at Kageyama, the setter rolling his eyes exasperatedly as Hinata dramatically pressed one hand to his heart. All 5 of the Karasuno alumni laughed at the duo’s antics, Suga fondly pulling Hinata into another hug and making the teen giggle as he snuggled up in the older setter’s arms. 

“Alright, alright. We have something for you, Hinata. Do you want to open it now?” Hinata nodded, wriggling his way out of Suga’s arms to turn to Daichi expectantly. The former captain handed Hinata a colorfully wrapped box, and Hinata quickly tore into the wrapping paper, a small gasp escaping him as he lifted the top of the box away.

“What do you think?” Hinata’s eyes shone as he gently lifted the soft fleece blanket from its wrappings and shook it out. Printed on the black fabric were the 3 photos of Karasuno’s volleyball team, the same ones on Hinata’s nightstand, surrounded by small pictures of chibi crows and volleyballs- Yachi’s designs, Kageyama realized. Hinata immediately pulled the blanket around his shoulders, snuggling happily into the warmth as he grinned up at his senpai. 

“Thank you so much! I love it!” A series of relieved smiles broke out around the room, each former member of the Karasuno team sighing softly in relief as Hinata pressed the fleece to his face. 

“We’re glad you like it! We thought you could use a little something to make your room a little more homely. And this way, it’s like we’re all giving you hugs at once!” Nishinoya beamed as he and Tanaka each scrambled onto Hinata’s bed again, enveloping the laughing teen into a dog pile of hugs. Kageyama’s eyes softened, one side of his mouth quirking up into a smile as he watched Asahi frantically wave his hands at Nishinoya and Tanaka. As Daichi barked out for the two to get off of Hinata, a soft touch on his shoulder startled Kageyama, making him turn quickly to see Suga standing behind him. 

“Kageyama-kun, mind coming with me?” Kagyeama nodded, surprised, though he obediently followed Suga out of Hinata’s room into the hallway. Suga pulled the door closed behind them, cutting off the rather loud cacophony of noise that was erupting from the group still in the room. Kageyama spotted a nurse glance over from the nurse’s station, shaking her head fondly as she met Kageyama’s gaze (he and Hinata were still notorious in the ward for being loud). Kageyama’s cheeks reddened slightly and he quickly turned back to face Suga, only to blink in surprise. The older setter’s formerly cheerful face had disappeared, a somber and worried light having filled his brown eyes as he stared up at Kageyama.

“How are you?” Kageyama cocked his head to one side at Suga’s words. He’d assumed that Suga had wanted to learn more about Hinata’s condition, without the sick teen present. After all, _everyone_ was well aware of just how much Hinata hated it when people hovered over him. Asahi was the one exception, as Hinata had begrudgingly accepted that the former ace would worry and hover openly, as was his nature. 

To be suddenly asked about his own condition caught Kageyama off guard, and he found himself blinking blankly down at Suga as people passed by behind them.

“Me?” Suga nodded, his silver eyebrows furrowing slightly as he gazed up at Kageyama steadily. 

“It can’t be easy on you either- your best friend is sick. Everything you’ve known was flipped upside down.” Suga gave Kageyama a pointed look. “And I know just how close you two are- I watched the two of you go from mortal rivals to best friends over the course of your first year. So please be honest with me, Tobio. _How are you?_ ” Kageyama blinked again, before he turned away, choosing to instead gaze down the hall vacantly to watch some children running around, unable to bring himself to meet his senpai’s worried eyes.

“I… I’m fine. I’m not the one who’s sick.” Suga sighed softly as he reached up to put one hand on Kageyama’s shoulder. 

“Tobio, it’s okay for you to be worried. The last thing I want is for you to bottle all of your emotions up, and act like everything’s okay when it’s obviously not. Please be honest with me, Tobio. You know you can’t hide things from me.” Kageyama bit his lip, before he turned back to Suga, blue eyes clearly conveying the concern and worry he couldn’t hide.

“I…” Kageyama trailed off, unable to voice the thoughts that had been playing in a constant loop since he’d first found out Hinata was sick three months prior.

_Hinata’s sick, and there’s nothing I can do to help._

_I don’t want to lose Hinata._

_I want things to go back to how they were. I want to keep playing volleyball with him._

_I’m scared._

_I’m so scared._

“...” Suga sighed softly as he pulled the younger setter into a tight hug.

“Okay. I understand. Just… I’m always here, okay? If you ever need to talk, or just need to cry without Hinata or anyone else seeing, or anything really, just tell me, okay? My phone’s always on, and I’ve turned into a bit of a night owl because of college- so I’m available whenever, okay?” Kageyama nodded, his carefully guarded expression dropping for one moment as he buried his face into Suga’s shoulder. The teen’s cheeks burned as his arms tightened around Suga’s body in an uncharacteristic show of emotion. Suga simply rubbed Kageyama’s back gently, letting out soft shushing noises as Kageyama’s fingers tightened in the soft fabric of Suga’s shirt. 

It was several minutes before Kageyama had regained enough composure to pull away from his senpai, cheeks flushed a bright red. Suga smiled sadly, squeezing Kageyama’s shoulder as he gestured back towards Hinata’s door. 

“Ready?” Kageyama took a deep breath and shook himself, taking a moment to rub furiously at his eyes before he nodded.

“Yeah. Let’s go.” Kageyama allowed Suga to lead him back into the room quietly, the older setter squeezing Kageyama’s shoulder again before he immersed himself within the fray. The heartwarming sounds of Hinata laughing happily at Tanaka and Nishinoya’s antics soothed the overwrought teen’s heart. Kageyama took another deep, steadying breath before he followed Suga.

_I’m fine._

_Hinata is fine._

Kageyama stepped forward, cutting smoothly across Asahi’s frantic babble as the former ace tried to keep Nishinoya and Tanaka from getting tangled within Hinata’s wires as they tried to snatch Hinata’s beanie off of his head. 

“Asahi-san, don’t worry. The IV is harder to take out than you’d think…”

\----

“Your temperature hasn’t gone further up, which is good.” The nurse offered Hinata a small smile as the teen shivered and buried himself further within his cocoon of blankets. 

It was the Saturday before Christmas, and two weeks before Spring Nationals would take place. The weeks had continued to fly by, as school, volleyball practice, and visiting Hinata caused time to disappear like ashes flying into the wind. Kageyama hardly found time to sleep lately, what with the increased practices Yamaguchi was insisting on as they drew closer and closer to their final Nationals. 

Hinata had had both good, and bad days over the past 3 months, though Kageyama quietly suspected that the bad days had started to outnumber the good. It was difficult to actually say, as Hinata had become increasingly skilled at keeping his sickness from him when he was present. He also stubbornly refused to tell Kageyama how he was on the days he couldn’t visit, much to Kageyama’s slight irritation. 

Kageyama knew that Hinata was trying to look out for him, considering just how worried he got whenever Hinata spiked a fever, or couldn’t keep down more than a few sips of water in a day. But Kageyama still couldn’t help but feel a little hurt whenever Hinata skirted around the topic of his health, dismissing the teen’s concerns with a slight wave of his hand. 

“He’s okay?” Kageyama ignored the small pout Hinata threw at him from underneath his mountain of blankets as he gazed imploringly at the nurse, who nodded and smiled reassuringly. 

“Hinata’s temperature is 101.6- not so high that it’s a cause for concern. It’ll probably go back down in a few hours, but if it doesn’t, call us, okay? We’re giving him something to help bring his fever back down, and we’ll run a basic blood test just to make sure he hasn’t caught a viral infection or anything.” Kageyama nodded, a light sense of relief washing over him at the nurse’s words.

“It’s likely Hinata-kun’s caught a cold or similar- it is December after all. His immune system is weaker from all of the chemo he’s received, so he does need to be careful though. So let’s say no visiting the other children for a few days, okay? In case you do have a cold, we don’t want it spread around the ward.” Kageyama glanced over at Hinata, who, predictably, wasn’t pleased by the nurse’s words. The teen nodded resignedly as he shivered again, burrowing even deeper into his blankets. The nurse tossed him a knowing grin as she left the room for a few moments, soon returning with a few disposable masks.

“Use these for now, if you want to stay in the room together,” she offered as she passed each teen a mask. “I know Hinata-kun has been one of the stronger patients up until now, but it’s always best to be cautious. Remind your mother and sister to use these as well when they arrive, okay love?” Hinata nodded again, though his expression was no less disgruntled as he slipped the mask over his face. Kageyama also quickly pulled his mask on, though he did so far more willingly than Hinata had. 

“The doctor will come by later. And I’ll come back to check on you in a few hours, Hinata-kun.” Hinata managed a small nod in the nurse’s direction in response. The two were quiet as the nurse left, and an awkward moment of silence lingered, before Hinata sighed and pulled his fleece blanket over his head.

“Don’t be so grumpy- it’s for your own good.” Hinata poked his head out just far out enough for him to give Kageyama a stink eye before he disappeared again.

“I hate being stuck in here. Visiting everyone else was one of the only things that made staying here fun.” Hinata grumbled, voice muffled by his many blankets. Kageyama plonked himself down next to Hinata before he gently pulled the blankets away from Hinata’s head. 

“Cheer up, boke. It’s Christmas next week.” Kageyama ignored the tongue Hinata stuck out at him. “Since we’re on break, Yachi-chan is organizing for the entire team to come visit you before Nationals.” Hinata’s head shot up then, a bright sparkle appearing in his eyes as he gazed up at Kageyama hopefully. 

“Really?” Kageyama nodded, hiding a smile as Hinata threw both arms up in the air excitedly.

“Cool!! Kenma said he and the others might visit next week too! Everyone’s coming, then!” Hinata cheered, grinning happily up at Kageyama. The door to Hinata’s room opening made both teens turn to see Hinata’s mother walk in. The kindly faced woman already had a mask on her face, much to the teens’ surprise, and her eyes were crinkled in amusement as she lightly pulled the door closed behind her.

“If you want to see everyone, listen to the nurse, okay Shoyo? I just spoke to her and she told me you had a fever. No sneaking off to visit anyone when we aren’t around, alright? And stay in bed today, young man.” Hinata’s mother threw her son a pointed look, which made Hinata’s shoulders slump dejectedly at her words. 

“Ohayo, Hinata-san,” Kageyama offered, with a small smile.

“Ohayo, Tobio-kun.” The kindly woman returned his smile and ruffled Kageyama’s hair fondly, before she pulled Hinata into a hug and pressed a kiss on his head through her mask. Hinata’s cheeks pinked brightly, and he slipped his head back under his blankets as his mother tried to press her hand against his forehead to check his temperature. 

“I’m _fine_. Where’s Natsu?” Hinata queried, poking his head back out as his mother let him go with a soft sigh. She threw the teen an exasperated look, which Hinata resolutely ignored.

“She’s at a friend’s house today. Don’t worry- I told her today wouldn’t be much fun so she agreed to visit Hana.” Hinata nodded, an unreadable expression crossing over his face that made Kageyama give the middle blocker an odd look. 

Not much fun? 

Kageyama wasn’t quite sure what to make of the older Hinata’s words, though neither mother nor son’s faces offered the teen any clues when he glanced at them. Hinata didn’t respond to his mother’s statement, instead choosing to focus on tracing the pattern on his blanket with a finger as she spoke again.

“What time did the nurse say the doctor was coming by?” Hinata shrugged as he continued fiddling with his blankets- a clear sign to Kageyama that something was on the teen’s mind. Kageyama threw Hinata another look, only to narrow his eyes as Hinata firmly refused to meet his gaze. 

Why wasn’t Hinata looking at him?

“What’s going on?” Hinata shook his head, offering Kageyama a stiff, fake smile that only worried Kageyama all the more. 

“It’s nothing.” Kageyama frowned deeper. Clearly, whatever was going on, was definitely not “nothing”, given just how much it was playing on Hinata’s mind. He wasn’t stupid after all- for better or for worse, Kageyama knew Hinata better than anyone else in the world, as he knew Hinata did him. 

“Kageyama, you should go home early today.” Kageyama blinked. In the 3 months he’d spent with Hinata in the hospital, the teen had never once refused Kageyama’s presence in such a forthright manner. 

“What?” Hinata glanced up at the setter briefly, before staring down at his blankets again, cheeks flushing faintly as he slowly began tracing the designs on the fleece blanket. 

“I mean, my mom’s here, so you don’t have to stay. You can go home and rest- I’ll be fine here with her.” Kageyama stared at him blankly, unable to comprehend Hinata’s uncharacteristic change of mind. 

“But-” Hinata looked up at Kageyama, the serious look in his normally cheerful eyes startling the setter as they locked gazes. There was an odd light in the middle blocker’s brown eyes, one that Kageyama had never seen before. 

Not once in his 3 years of knowing Hinata had he seen such guardedness from Hinata- he was one of the most open people Kageyama had ever known, after all. Seeing such a closed off expression on Hinata’s face made Kageyama’s chest tighten uncomfortably, and made a sharp spike of fear rise in his heart.

The two stared at each other for several moments, before Kageyama finally swallowed and turned away, giving a tiny nod as he began stuffing his belongings into his backpack. Hinata’s mother gently, but firmly tugged the backpack out of Kageyama’s shaking hands, stopping the teen in his tracks. Kageyama watched silently as Hinata's mother quietly repacked the clothes Kageyama had shoved roughly into his backpack. Once it was ready, Hinata’s mother helped him slip the backpack over his shoulder, before placing one hand on the setter’s shoulder.

“I’ll see Kageyama-kun out, okay? Will you be okay here alone for a few minutes?” Hinata nodded, an apologetic look crossing his face as he glanced over at Kageyama. Kageyama bit his lip as he allowed Hinata’s mother to lead him out of the room, staring back at Hinata until the door closed behind them. 

Kageyama and Hinata’s mother walked in silence for a few minutes, the setter just barely managing to offer up vacant smiles to the younger kids on the ward who waved excitedly at him. As they made their way to the elevator, Hinata’s mother started to speak, keeping her voice low to keep others from listening in. 

Normally, the kindly woman’s voice would soothe and comfort anyone who listened, acting like a cool spring to a parched soul. Kageyama had watched Hinata’s mother work her magic countless times, the gentle woman having managed to even calm both Nishinoya and Tanaka within a matter of seconds- a feat that even Daichi had yet to manage.

But today, as she spoke softly, Kageyama felt his heart throb and his breath caught painfully in his lungs as his chest tightened, making the setter feel faint and dizzy all at once.

“Today’s the day we find out whether Shoyo’s chemotherapy treatments have actually properly worked or not.” Kageyama froze as he stared at the petite woman, unable to wrap his mind around what she was trying to tell him. 

“...what?” Kageyama’s voice cracked as he whispered, unable to bring himself to speak any louder for fear of losing what little control he had over his emotions. 

_Why hadn’t Hinata told him?_

“Shoyo didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so he asked me not to tell you.” Kageyama suddenly felt remarkably like he couldn’t breathe, which Hinata’s mother seemed to recognize, as she quickly directed him onto one of the nearby benches that lined the hospital’s halls. Kageyama gratefully took the seat, his entire body beginning to tremble as he gasped for air. 

_Why wouldn’t Hinata tell him something as important as this? Did he think he couldn’t handle it? Why wouldn’t his best friend want him by his side when it came to something so vital? Whatever the doctor told Hinata and his mother today had the power to change the entire course of Hinata’s life, and yet Hinata was pushing him away-_

“Tobio.” Kageyama’s head snapped up from where he’d buried it in his hands, his eyes wide and afraid as he gazed desperately into Hinata’s mother’s eyes. A few strands of dark black hair rested in his palms, and Kageyama vaguely acknowledged the sharp sting of pain on his scalp from where he’d accidentally yanked out his hair when bringing his gaze up. Hinata’s mother lightly reached out and brushed the hair from his hands, before she wrapped one arm around his broad shoulders comfortingly. 

“Calm down, love. Can you take a few deep breaths for me?” Kageyama nodded shakily as she began rubbing his back. Slowly, Kageyama felt himself relax as Hinata’s mother spoke softly to him, her gentle voice washing over his tense body until he was leaning limply against the wall, exhausted. Hinata’s mother pulled her arm from around his shoulder and instead grabbed one of his larger hands in her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she began to speak again.

“I’m sorry for scaring you, dear. ” Kageyama shrugged, limbs feeling rather like jelly as he stared out blankly at the colorful pictures lining the wall across from them. 

“S’not your fault.” Kageyama’s voice was raspy and quiet, and he felt Hinata’s mother squeeze his hand again as she replied.

“The reason he didn’t want me to tell you, was because you’d worry. Like when he didn’t tell you about his nausea medication. You know how he hates making people worry and feeling like a burden- remember when he collapsed in your first year?” Kageyama nodded, a dark shadow crossing his eyes as he thought back to the awful moment.

“I thought you deserved to know though, Tobio-kun. Shoyo’s your best friend, and I know how close you two are. I know that if it were you who were sick, he’d want to be right by your side every step of the way.” Kageyama didn’t respond, and Hinata’s mother sighed softly, before she let go of his hand and gently patted his leg.

“He cares about you, Tobio-kun. He didn’t keep this from you to hurt you- quite the opposite in fact. He’s just… he’s scared.” Hinata being scared wasn’t a new concept- lord knew the teen was frightened easily enough by everything. Literally everything from intimidating opponents to even Daichi scolding them for goofing off terrified the feisty teen. 

But this? 

This was a new type of fear that Kageyama knew Hinata didn’t understand- not to say that Kageyama understood it any better. It was a fear that had also settled itself deep within Kageyama’s soul, gripping tightly and whispering the most awful words directly into the setter’s already fragile heart. It was the fear of being unable to have any sort of control over the situation whatsoever. 

Neither he, nor Hinata, nor Hinata’s mother, doctors, nobody at all, was able to control how Hinata’s disease progressed. Nobody was able to know for sure just how effective the treatments would be, even if they seemed like they were working, for now. 

Nobody knew just what the outcome would be for Hinata, in the end.   
  


And it was terrifying. 

After a few moments of silence, Hinata’s mother stood, offering her hand to Kageyama as she spoke softly at him. 

“Can you stand, dear? I wouldn’t push you normally, but I know that your bus will probably be here soon, and the next one won’t be around for a while.” Kageyama nodded quietly, before accepting her hand and gingerly standing up, wobbling momentarily before managing to regain his balance. The two walked quietly to the elevator lobby, Kageyama allowing the short woman to lead him by the hand like one would a child (an act that Kageyama found rather comforting- oddly enough). 

Once they arrived, Hinata’s mother pushed the button to call the elevator. The low hum of the elevator moving along its cable filled their ears as they waited, the only other sound in the empty lobby being that of the ticking clock on the opposite wall. The elevator soon arrived, and Hinata’s mother gently pulled Kageyama to one side as a few people made their way off the elevator, before she looked up at the tall teen and spoke softly, giving the teen’s hand a comforting squeeze as she did so.

“Try not to worry too much, Tobio-kun. Shoyo’s a fighter- you and I both know that. He won’t let something as pesky as cancer get in his way of becoming the world’s greatest volleyball player.” Kageyama bit his lip as Hinata’s mother lightly nudged him to walk into the elevator, still leading him like a child. After pressing the button for the first floor, Hinata’s mother slipped back out of the elevator, and smiled tenderly at Kageyama. Her brown eyes, so similar to Hinata’s, were tinged with sadness and worry, though they held a soothing warmth as they gazed at Kageyama from outside the elevator doors.

“I’ll make sure to have Shoyo contact you when we’re ready for you to come back. And I’ll make sure he tells you any big news in person, okay?” Kageyama didn’t respond, his teeth drawing blood as he bit at his cheek again. The metallic taste filled his mouth and his fingers curled into fists as he desperately tried to keep his emotions under check. Kageyama stared out desperately at Hinata’s mother, who offered him another soft smile as the elevator doors began closing around him. 

“Be safe on your way home, Tobio-kun- it was icy when I drove over earlier. I’ll see you again soon, dear.” This time, Kageyama managed a small nod as the image of Hinata’s mother smiling warmly at him was cut off, replaced by cold, blank metal doors. A shaky breath escaped Kageyama as he leaned back shakily against the cool metal of the wall. As the elevator chimed with each floor he passed, Kageyama could feel the near-painful tightness in his chest continue to rise as he gulped down a sob, his fingernails digging crescent moon indentations into the soft flesh of his palms.

For the first time since Hinata had been hospitalized, Kageyama wasn’t sure he could handle coming back to the hospital.

……

For the first time, Kageyama wasn’t sure he even _wanted_ to come back.

\----

“You still haven’t talked to him?” Kageyama shook his head slowly, throwing Yachi a pointed look at her words. When she gazed at him questioningly, Kageyama glanced around at their kouhai, who were seated around them on various seats of the bus, quietly chatting or looking down at their phones. Yachi immediately returned Kageyama’s look with an apologetic one of her own, pressing one finger to her lips sheepishly. 

It was the following Thursday, a full 5 days since Hinata had all but kicked Kageyama out of his hospital room. Kageyama had returned home the previous Saturday, quiet and withdrawn to the point where his older sister had asked him, looking rather concerned, if he was sick. Kageyama had simply shaken his head, quietly laying down his chopsticks as he thanked her for cooking dinner, before disappearing into his room to brood and worry for several hours. He’d finally fallen asleep in the early hours of the morning, thanks to his sheer exhaustion, though Kageyama had awoken just a few hours later, feeling rather unsettled as he stared blearily out into the bright sunlight of the winter morning. 

Hinata had texted him around midday, telling the exhausted setter that he was still getting some tests done, and wouldn’t be available for the remainder of the weekend. Kageyama had spent the next few minutes agonizing over how to respond _(what exactly was he supposed to say anyways? Good luck on not having his leukemia show up on the test scans?)_ , only for Hinata to text him again, telling him that he would see Kageyama when the volleyball team came to visit him on Christmas Eve. 

Unfortunately, Hinata’s message had merely made the already stressed teen even more unsure how to respond. 

And so… Kageyama simply hadn’t.

He’d instead chosen to chuck his phone onto his bed as he continued to pace circles in his room, his thoughts continuing to pull him ever deeper into the dark abyss of doubt and uncertainty.

As the days had passed, the unrelenting monster called fear had crept its way deeper into Kageyama’s heart, sinking its claws in painfully and clutching on so tightly that Kageyama was sure his chest would burst. It had made the setter even more irritable and crass than usual: evident in the way the setter had accidentally reduced one of their more sensitive first years to tears during Monday’s practice, when Kageyama had angrily snapped at him for flubbing an easy receive. 

Ukai, having recognized Kageyama’s rather unstable state, had quietly pulled the tetchy teen aside and told him to take a breather, while Takeda had gone to reassure and comfort the rather distraught first year. Kageyama had gratefully accepted the chance for escape and had all but fled the gym. Once outside, Kageyama had gulped down large lungfuls of the cold air, which helped soothe some of the whirling emotions within his heart, before he’d sunk down on the frozen dirt floor, burying his head in his knees. 

Yachi, always so astute, had soon joined him just a few minutes later in the sharp December air, shivering as she squatted down next to him. The blonde manager had simply offered Kageyama a towel to wipe his sweat, telling him he’d catch a cold if he sat outside like this. Somehow, the simple gesture had been all it took for the setter’s resolve to fade, and Kageyama had had to fight to keep his voice quiet as he confided in Yachi the events that had occurred the previous weekend. 

The petite girl had simply listened, allowing Kageyama to let loose as he expressed his worries over Hinata and just how hurt he was that Hinata would keep secrets from him. When Kageyama had finished a few minutes later, his cheeks a brighter red than they should have been from just the cold, Yachi had offered her sympathy, gently rubbing the setter’s shoulder as she reassured Kageyama that it was normal for him to be worried like this- Hinata was Kageyama’s best friend after all. 

“But you can’t expect him to always tell you what’s going on, Tobio-kun. He’s entitled to his privacy, as you are with yours. It’s ultimately his decision whether to tell you what’s going on with his personal health or not. And it’s a privilege, not a right, to be privy to those kinds of matters.” Kageyama sighed, nodding silently as he acknowledged the truth in her words. Yachi simply offered a sad smile as she held out a hand to help Kageyama stand, which the setter took, groaning softly as his legs protested after being in one position for several minutes. 

“Sho-kun is just as scared as you are, Tobio. No, scratch that, I _know_ he’s even more scared than you are. Just try to understand his point of view, and remember that Shoyo’s not someone who would openly seek to hurt you. He’s not Tsu-kun.” Kageyama snorted softly as she offered him a knowing smirk, the setter finally managing a small smile at Yachi as she reached up towards him with one hand. Recognizing what she wanted to do, Kageyama leaned down slightly, letting her reach up and gently ruffle his hair affectionately. 

“...thanks ‘toka-chan.” Yachi nodded and smiled, the corner of her mouth quirking up further as Kageyama used her given name, before she gestured back towards the gym as she shivered again.

“Come on, let’s go back in- it’s cold out here.” 

Despite Yachi’s words though, Kageyama hadn’t managed to bring himself to contact Hinata, a mixture of both fear and awkward embarrassment stopping the setter from picking up his phone and returning Hinata’s message. The more prideful side of Kageyama’s brain tried to reason with his more rational side, slyly reminding him that Hinata hadn’t sent any texts either, not since the last time he’d contacted the setter.

Though, if Kageyama was honest with himself, he couldn’t quite figure out whether the fact made him feel better or worse about the situation. 

“Are you sure you’re okay to go?” Kageyama shrugged, refusing to meet Yachi’s worried eyes and instead choosing to stare out the window moodily, pressing his chin into his hand as he watched large snowflakes slowly flutter down past the icy window. If it weren’t for the fact that the entire team was going to visit Hinata for Christmas, Kageyama wasn’t sure he would’ve chosen to visit Hinata again so soon- lord knew he was still smarting over the way Hinata had kept secrets from him, even if Kageyama knew deep down that Hinata had only done so to protect him. 

They were best friends, weren’t they? Wasn’t there some kind of stupid saying about how best friends knew everything about each other? 

“Just… let him explain himself before you say anything, okay?” Kageyama sighed softly as Yachi reached over and squeezed his hand, before leaving him to brood in peace. He knew it was unfair, and perhaps rather selfish, to act like this, but Kageyama couldn’t bring himself to let the matter go- his foolish, wounded pride simply wouldn’t let him. 

“Next stop, Miyagi Children’s Hospital.” As the bus slowly came to a stop, its brakes screeching softly as the wheels struggled to gain traction on the icy road, Kageyama could feel his chest tighten with anxiety, his heart starting to pound in his ears as he slowly stood from his seat. Around him, the cheerful chatter of his underclassmen filled his ears as they all began making their way off the bus into the frigid winter air, a sharp contrast to the twisted emotions embedded within his heart.

“You ready?” Kageyama shook his head- he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to face his best friend again. But he was here, and he knew that he couldn’t back out now. If anything, he owed it to Hinata to show up with the rest of the team, being vice-captain and all. 

And if things went horribly wrong, well….

At least the rest of the volleyball team was here to provide an adequate distraction. 

\----

“Hinata-san!” Kageyama stopped in the doorway, hesitating as the rest of the team crowded into Hinata’s room eagerly, most of them not having seen Hinata in person since he’d last attended school, over 3 months prior. Yamaguchi threw Kageyama a sympathetic look and reached over to squeeze his shoulder, before following his kouhai in. Kageyama watched silently as Yamaguchi hurried in, cheerfully greeting Hinata as he and Tsukishima took their normal chairs by Hinata’s bed. 

Kageyama could just barely see Hinata sitting on his bed from his position outside the door, the former middle blocker’s expression open and bright as he happily chatted to his kouhai, lighthearted banter starting as he accepted hugs from them all. A gentle touch on his arm made Kageyama jump, and he snapped his head to the side to see Yachi looking up at him worriedly. 

“Do you think you can go in? Or… do you want me to tell Sho-kun that you couldn’t make it today?” Kageyama bit his lip as he glanced back in, noting a touch amusedly that Hinata had eagerly plonked a fuzzy santa hat onto his head, making the first year manager who’d offered it to him flush brightly as Hinata thanked her profusely. Kageyama’s face softened slightly as he watched Hinata grin brightly at the first year, making the petite teen beam in delight. 

“No… I just… I need a minute, I think. Do… do you mind, Hitoka-chan?” Yachi shook her head, gently taking Kageyama's hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Of course not. If you need me, just wave at me or something, okay?” Kageyama nodded as Yachi reached up to pat his shoulder, before she slipped into the room, chirping out a cheerful “Merry Christmas!” to Hinata. Kageyama watched quietly as Hinata eagerly hugged her, fondly ruffling her blonde hair in a way that made Yachi pout as she pulled away, trying in vain to flatten out her now messy hair. 

A soft sigh escaped Kageyama as he leaned against the wall, letting his head rest on a too cheerful image of a brightly colored songbird. 

Why couldn’t he just walk into Hinata’s room, like he’d done so many times before? It wasn’t like there was anything he could do to change Hinata’s fate now, whether it was good or bad. Why couldn’t he just go in and support his best friend? 

Wasn’t that what he was _supposed_ to do? 

Kageyama signed again as he watched a few children run past him, their cheerful giggles a stark contrast to the whirlpool of emotions within his mind.

What did it matter that Hinata had kept secrets? After all, Yachi was right in saying Hinata had a right to his privacy. He certainly wasn’t _required_ to tell Kageyama anything. 

It was a privilege, wasn’t it? That was what Yachi had said, at least. That it was a privilege to have someone tell you their secrets. To have someone trust you enough to be vulnerable, to be _open_ , wasn’t an innate right- it was one to be earned. 

But if it was, then…

Did that mean Kageyama _hadn’t_ earned the right?

“Kageyama nii-san? Aren’t you going to go in?” Kageyama blinked, before he glanced down to see gorgeous blue eyes framed by a pastel green beanie gazing up at him curiously. 

Ah, Kazuma. 

The 7 year old boy was a fellow wisp of a leukemia patient who resided just 3 doors down from Hinata. The young boy had wormed his way into the duo’s hearts, especially once they'd found out that Kazuma had been a part of a junior volleyball team right before his diagnosis, 6 months prior. 

Kazuma would often join the two teens in Hinata’s room during the weekends, happy to spend time watching his favorite Ghibli movies with his two “nii-sans” while his mother would slip back home for a shower and short rest. It was an arrangement Kageyama himself had proposed, as he understood the strain of spending any amount of time with an ill person, let alone days at a time like Kazuma’s mother did for her son. 

Kazuma was an absolute joy to be around, a sweetheart most of the time, yet having a mischievous side that would completely throw both teens for a loop. The little 7 year old had proven to have quite a sassy side to him, and had made even Kageyama burst out in laughter at times with his witty comments. 

Despite his young age, Kazuma had proven to be rather intuitive, instinctively recognizing when he’d gone a little too far in his mischief and seeming to understand whenever Hinata wasn’t up for his usual antics. So it didn’t surprise Kageyama that the child had approached him now, a mildly confused yet concerned look etched onto his face. 

“Ah… I… I’ll go in soon.” Kageyama offered a small smile to the curious child, which, to Kageyama’s surprise, made the short boy pout as he crossed his arms over his reindeer patterned hospital gown. 

“Kaa-san always says it’s not good to lie, Kageyama-nii. Why aren’t you going to go see Hinata-nii? Aren’t you two best friends?” Kageyama flinched slightly, though he acknowledged the truth in Kazuma’s blunt, but accurate, words with a small nod. 

“We… are.” Kazuma tilted his head as he peered up at Kageyama. 

“Then why aren’t you going in? Did you guys fight?” Kageyama hesitated, before nodding slowly. 

“We… had a disagreement.” Wait, why was he telling Kazuma about this anyways?

“About what?” Kageyama hesitated. Was he really going to talk to a 7 year old about the complications of interpersonal relationships?

“Hinata-nii didn’t tell me something important,” Kageyama hedged, hoping it would be enough explanation for the 7 year old.

“Why?” Evidently, he hadn’t quite hoped hard enough. 

Kageyama’s mouth twisted slightly as he thought back to the week before.

“Well… he thought he was doing the right thing. Telling me about it meant I would worry.” Kazuma nodded rather sagely, to Kageyama’s mild amusement.

“Hinata-nii is like that. So did you yell at him?” Kageyama shook his head quickly.

“No, no. I just… I didn’t speak to him. I haven’t for almost a week now.” Kageyama squirmed slightly at the surprised, then reproachful look on Kazuma’s face.

“You should say sorry! Kaa-san always makes me say sorry when I fight with my little sister, and she’d _never_ let me go a week without talking to her. Kaa-san says that no matter what, I should always com-moo-ni-kate with the people I love. Because that’s what you do- no matter what, you love them. Even if it seems like you hate them lots and lots, you still love them. And you both say sorry. Because it’s not nice to hurt each other’s feelings.” Kageyama blinked blankly as he stared down at Kazuma. The child simply gazed up at him owlishly, without a trace of his childish innocence. A few moments passed in silence, before a tiny smile quirked onto Kageyama’s face as he suddenly reached out and pulled Kazuma into a hug. Kazuma squeaked in surprise, though he didn’t resist as Kageyama settled his arms around his petite frame.

How did kids do it? How did they always manage to make the most convoluted adult problems become so simple? Kageyama had seen this happen before with Natsu, who’d helped Kageyama and Hinata move past their arguments more than once in the past, and yet it still amazed Kageyama at just how simple some solutions were when put into a child’s perspective, free of the complicated thoughts that accompanied the minds of world weary adults.

“Thank you, Kazuma-kun. You’re right. I’ll tell Hinata-nii that I’m sorry, because he’s my best friend, and we need to communicate with each other. I’ll tell him that he can tell me when he’s ready, and that I’ll wait for him until then.” Kageyama pulled away, crouching down as he placed his hands on Kazuma’s shoulders. Kazuma nodded happily in response, throwing up a peace sign (one habit that Kageyama was delighted he’d picked up from Hinata), which Kageyama returned with one of his own and a smile. 

“Merry Christmas, Kazuma-kun. You’re a good boy.” Kazuma’s eyes lit up as Kageyama patted his head, a few giggles escaping him as he beamed up at Kageyama. 

“Merry Christmas, Kageyama-nii!” 

“Kazuma!” Kazuma quickly turned, waving at his mother as he wriggled free from Kageyama. 

“I gotta go, Kageyama-nii! Tell Hinata-nii I said hi, okay?” Kageyama nodded and straightened up as Kazuma hurried down the hall, exchanging a smile with Kazuma’s mother before the two disappeared into Kazuma’s room. 

Kageyama took a deep breath then, before turning towards Hinata’s room, where loud peals of laughter sounded, indicating that all who were in the room were still having a good time. He could do it. He had to go in there, and tell Hinata he was sorry, because while Hinata _had_ hurt him, Kageyama wasn’t quite guilt-free either. 

Kageyama slipped into the room, making his way through the volleyball team to stand beside Yachi, who peered up at him. He simply nodded when she gave him a worried look, before shaking his head with a small smile. He was fine now. 

Kageyama looked over at Hinata, who chuckled at something Minato had said, before he finally noticed that Kageyama had entered the room, his laughter trailing off and body tensing slightly as he locked eyes with the setter. A slightly awkward silence filled the room as everyone looked between the two, the first and second years with confusion, Tsukishima with curiosity, and Yachi and Yamaguchi with worry. A few moments passed, before Kageyama stepped forward, sitting down on Hinata’s bed as he lightly flicked the middle blocker’s forehead, making Hinata flinch and start in surprise.

“Ow! Yama!” Kageyama stuck his tongue out at Hinata’s small glare.

“That’s for not telling me, boke. But… I’m sorry. I’ll wait in the future- I’ll wait until you’re ready.” Everyone stared at Kageyama now, a mixture of incredulity and confusion crossing their faces, though Kageyama focused solely on Hinata. The former middle blocker slowly reached up to press one hand against the spot where Kageyama had flicked him, before he finally smiled, a pure, genuine smile that warmed Kageyama’s heart and banished the monster that had taken refuge there. Hinata’s eyes softened visibly as he gave Kageyama a small nod. 

“I’m sorry too.” Kageyama felt a smile creep onto his face, though he tried (in vain) to suppress it. A small cough from Yamaguchi made Kageyama snap sharply back to reality, his cheeks coloring as he realized everyone was staring at him. The setter glared around the room at their kouhai, a few soft snickers sounding as he scowled darkly. 

“A single word out of any of you, and you’ll be doing 50 dive laps at Monday’s practice.” 

“Hai!” A chorus rang out around the room as Tsukishima and Yamaguchi both snickered and Yachi grinned brightly, making Kageyama scowl at them. He’d never hear the end of it from Tsukishima now, he knew it. 

“Well anyways, now that Kageyama is finally here, I have an announcement!” Everyone’s attention snapped to Hinata, including Kageyama, who threw the teen a slightly apprehensive look. Hinata grinned brightly as he spread out his arms wide.

“I’ve been given permission to leave the hospital! So I can come watch you all at Nationals!”

\----

“Karasuno… FIGHT!”

“OSU!” The rest of the team shouted out in unison in response to Yamaguchi’s call, their voices ringing through the large gym amidst the cheers of the crowd around them. The players scattered then, the 6 starters heading towards the court while the other members of Karasuno’s team headed towards the spectator box. On the benches behind them, Yachi shouted words of encouragement, while Ukai barked out a few last minute instructions. 

Across the net, the Itachiyama team also scattered across the court, the various members of their team going to their assigned places as their coach also gave out last minute instructions to the players. It was organized chaos, as it always was right before a match started, but Kageyama knew he wouldn’t ever trade the screams that echoed in the cavernous gym, nor the gut wrenching feelings of anxiety that caused his heart to pound in his chest for anything else in the world.This was volleyball. This was what he loved, and what he planned to do, for as long as he possibly could. 

Though... Kageyama wished he could share this experience with his best friend, his partner standing right by his side. He glanced back towards the benches where Ukai, Takeda, and Yachi normally sat, spotting Hinata sitting next to Yachi. The teen was bundled warmly in a hoodie and with Asahi’s hand-knitted beanie fitted snugly over his head, chatting away cheerfully to the petite girl next to him. The sight caused a slight ache to rise in Kageyama’s heart, as he took in Hinata’s slight form and thin face- Hinata had never been particularly big, but with the weight loss he’d experienced with chemotherapy, Hinata appeared just as tiny as Yachi. 

Not that Kageyama would ever say so out loud: he had no desire to be kicked in the shin by the still feisty 18 year old. 

News of Hinata’s illness had caused ripples of shock to erupt over the volleyball community, given that many had figured that he and Kageyama were potential team members for the Men’s 2016 Olympic Volleyball Team. Some good had come of all of the fuss though, as Hinata had been given special permission from the Interhigh higher ups to sit with their coaches down on the court, considering the reputation he’d built up over the past three years as Karasuno’s “greatest decoy”. The news had led to the teen practically bouncing off the walls in his hospital room as he impatiently counted the days until he could escape his hospital room and finally see a volleyball game in person again.

Kageyama let out a soft sigh as he watched Hinata eagerly chat to Yachi next to him, no doubt making his usual “boom” and “whoosh” sound effects from the rather amused look on the petite manager’s face. In that moment, Hinata spotted Kageyama’s gaze, and grinned brightly at him, tossing out a peace sign as he shouted over the crowd at him through cupped hands.

“Don’t miss! If you do, I’ll never let you set for me again! And remember! Since I’m here, you’re invincible!!” Despite himself, Kageyama felt a warmth bloom in his heart, and some of his anxiety settled at Hinata’s words. 

Trust Hinata to remember the words Kageyama had spoken on a whim, and turn it into their own little mantra. 

Kageyama threw a smirk at Hinata, before yelling back at him through his own cupped hands.

“Boke! If I don’t hear you cheering the loudest, I won’t ever set for you again either!” Hinata laughed, his eyes crinkling as he nodded and gave Kageyama a thumbs up. 

“You ready?” Kageyama gave a soft “hm” in response as he turned around, still smirking in a way that made Yamaguchi smile softly, and knowingly. The freckled teen slapped Kageyama’s back, making the teen smile gratefully at the teen. It was remarkable, the change Kageyama could see in Yamaguchi. He’d gone from a timid, uncertain pinch server to becoming the captain of a top 4, powerhouse school, and Kageyama knew he was immensely proud of his fellow teammate.

“We’ve got this, captain.” Yamaguchi’s lips quirked into an appreciative smile as he turned and walked towards the edge of the court, being the first to serve during this match. Standing nearby, Tsukishima simply nodded at Kageyama, offering up one of his signature, tiny smirks, before the tall blonde turned away, knees bending slightly as he concentrated, ready to jump up at a moment’s notice. 

Kageyama could see his 2 juniors trembling slightly, each understandably overwhelmed from being on such a large stage in front of the entire world: playing in the semi-finals was a big deal, after all. The setter locked gazes with each teen in turn, assuring them, telling them that they’d manage just fine. Knowing, grateful lights filled both of his kouhai’s eyes, and each boy nodded determinedly, their stances changing slightly as they each settled into their positions. 

As the referee sharply blew his whistle to signal the start of the game, Kageyama took a deep breath, letting the scent of air salonpas fill his lungs as a chorus of “nice serve!” sounded from behind him. Kageyama listened intently to the squeak of Yamaguchi’s shoes on the floor, knowing instinctively from the satisfied exhale of breath that the freckled teen had executed a flawless jump floater serve. 

Across the net, the Inarizaki team scrambled to receive the tricky serve, just barely managing to keep it in the air before sending it back over to Karasuno’s side. One of the 2nd years received and passed the ball to Kageyama in a neat arc, and the setter managed an approving glance in his direction as the ball came his way. Sending up a silent, thankful prayer for such a strong start to the match, Kageyama expertly set the ball, passing it over to Minato, who managed to slam the ball down past Inarizaki’s defense. 

“Nice kill!!” True to his word, Kageyama could hear Hinata’s excited voice rising above the noise of the crowd. Kageyama glanced back, catching Hinata’s eye as the teen pumped both arms in the air in his delight. The former middle blocker threw out an exuberant peace sign, which Kageyama and Yamaguchi each returned alongside grins of their own.

“Mou ippon!!” The whistle sounded again and Kageyama turned back, a satisfied feeling growing in his chest as he finally allowed himself to fully immerse himself within the game. 

The first two sets flew by, with Karasuno winning the first, and Inarizaki taking the second. Kageyama’s heart beat gloriously in his chest, his entire body relishing the deep ache present in his legs, from the numerous times he’d jumped over the course of the match. 

And even though he didn’t have his partner playing with him, right by his side, Hinata was as close as he possibly could be. It was just a matter of time now, before the energetic middle blocker was back by his side, and the two were dominating the volleyball world together again. 

As the third set started, Kageyama glanced again back at Hinata, receiving another cheery thumbs up from the teen. Hinata’s pale cheeks were flushed pink, though Kageyama simply put it down to the excitement of it all- Hinata had been yelling quite a bit over the past hour after all.

It was understandable that Hinata was likely starting to tire out- he’d been undergoing chemotherapy treatments for the past four months after all, and the middle blocker had a lot of strength to build back up before he was back in peak condition. 

“Nice serve!” Tsukishima spun the ball in his hands, concentrating intensely, before he tossed it up into the air. Kageyama watched as the ball arced neatly over the net, making one of the Inarizaki members fumble slightly, due to his hesitation in diving after the ball. As a result, the ball passed back over the net back to Karasuno, and Yamaguchi neatly received the ball, shouting out to Kageyama as he did so. Kageyama watched out of the corner of his eye as the three middle blockers on Inarizaki’s side dashed over to where Minato was standing, clearly expecting him to set the ball over to their new ace-in-training.

The tiniest flash of a smile crossed Kageyama’s face as he leapt up, but instead of setting the ball to Minato, he merely nudged the ball over the net, making the three Inarizaki middle blockers all scramble to try and receive it. There was silence in the stadium for a few long moments as the ball slipped past their fingers, the only sound being that of the blue and yellow Mikasa volleyball bouncing away on the gym floor. 

A roaring cheer erupted around the stadium, drowning out the referee’s whistle as Kageyama landed back down, a euphoric feeling rising in his chest. An absolutely terrifying smirk grew on the setter’s face as he slowly straightened and faced the Inarizaki team. The stunned, defeated looks that greeted him from across the net made a sadistic feeling of pleasure rise within him, and Kageyama firmly squashed away the slight feeling of guilt that threatened to bubble up, wanting to relish in his achievement. 

“KAGEYAMA!!!” 

“Oomph-!” Kageyama winced as he was suddenly tackled by 65 kg of euphoric team captain, just barely managing to stay on his feet. Yamaguchi yanked the setter down into a tight hug as he excitedly commended the taller teen on his dump. Beside him, the two second year starters were jumping up and down, both jabbering away as they gazed up at their senpai with wide, adoring eyes. Tsukishima simply nodded, a ghost of a smirk crossing his face as he met Kageyama’s eyes, offering him a small nod to indicate his pleasure. 

But he didn’t care for any of their approval- it wasn’t _their_ approval that Kageyama wanted. 

The setter pulled away from Yamaguchi, the wide smirk remaining on his face as he turned around to face the coach’s seats. 

It was the beanie that Kageyama noticed first. 

The soft, navy blue beanie, embroidered with two crows passing a volleyball between each other, lay in a sad, crumpled heap on the floor.

And it’s owner….

Kageyama stopped breathing as he took in the sight of Yachi kneeling on the floor next to Hinata’s limp body. Above the pounding of his own heart, Kageyama could just barely hear Yachi’s frantic voice, her normally cheery tone replaced by one of pure panic as she desperately tried to rouse Hinata. Next to them, Ukai was shouting to be heard above the roars of the crowd, his arms waving madly as he signaled desperately at the referee to pause the match, while Takeda had pulled out his phone, and was clutching it tightly as he babbled into it. 

“Hinata…” Yamaguchi and Tsukishima’s heads both whipped around at Kageyama’s whisper, both teens freezing on the spot as they took in the scene that was unfolding behind them. 

“Kageyama-” Yamaguchi reached forward, though whether it was to comfort him, or to grab him, Kageyama would never know. 

A wounded, broken howl escaped the setter as he fell weakly to his knees, causing a ripple of shock to course through the crowd and making the gym fall deadly silent.

“SHOYO!”

\----

“Tobio? Oh, Tobio-kun...” Kageyama raised his head, gazing up blankly through dull eyes as Hinata’s mother hurried towards him. She immediately threw her arms around the teen, bringing the listless teen into a tight embrace. After a few moments, Hinata’s mother gently pulled away, her eyes carefully looking the teen up and down as she inspected him.

“Are you alright, love?” Kageyama’s lips parted as he tried to respond, but all he could manage was a small shake of his head as he stared down at the muted carpet that lined the waiting room of the local hospital. There was an empty, hollow feeling in his chest, and Kageyama was still struggling to bring air into his lungs, even though it had been several hours since Hinata had collapsed at the match against Inarizaki.

It hadn’t been an easy decision to leave Nationals in favor of following Hinata to the hospital. The mere thought of abandoning his team during such a crucial time had felt wrong in every part of his soul, but Kageyama knew couldn’t just let Hinata go alone, either. 

Thankfully, Yamaguchi pressing Hinata’s beanie into Kageyama’s shaking hands, and insistently pointing him towards the main entrance of the gym had given the teen the extra push he needed to leave.

“Go. Hinata’s more important.” Kageyama had barely managed a grateful nod as his eyes filled with tears, before he’d hurried to follow Takeda out of the gym, the navy beanie clutched tightly in his fingers.

After arriving at the hospital, Hinata had been whisked away into the ER, while Takeda and Kageyama had been ushered away to a waiting room, before being seemingly forgotten. 

Two hours had passed, during which Takeda had bought Kageyama some food, received a message that he was needed at the gym, and had left the teen, promising to return as soon as he was able. Kageyama had remained in place, his mind empty and numb as he stared blankly down at the floor, until Hinata’s mother had shown up, another hour later.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t come find you before- they only just told me that you’ve been here the whole time. I’ve been with Hinata in the ER, but they said he was going to be moved to a patient’s room. He’s in good hands, Tobio-kun. Do you need anything, dear? Is there something I can get you?” Hinata’s mother’s soft, gentle voice only made the ache in his chest grow larger as he swallowed thickly. 

_I need him to be okay._

Kageyama shook his head again, though this time he managed to lift his head to meet Hinata’s mother’s eyes. He immediately regretted his choice, as images of the same brown eyes, framed by a messy mop of orange curls, filled his mind. 

“Tobio…” Clearly, Hinata’s mother had caught the flash of pain that had crossed Kageyama’s face, as she gently wrapped her arms around him again, one hand rubbing his back soothingly. 

“You’re shaking, dear. Are you cold?” Kageyama shook his head as he belatedly realized his entire body was trembling. He slowly lifted one hand, watching it silently for a few moments, before he slowly lowered it back down. 

“I’ll ask the orderly to bring you a blanket anyways. Have you eaten?” Kageyama vaguely gestured towards his side, where an untouched milk carton and half eaten granola bar sat. Hinata’s mother pursed her lips at the sight, though she didn’t comment as she sighed softly. 

The two sat quietly as the rest of the hospital bustled around them, everyone from doctors to visitors passing by the two of them. Occasionally, a few people would pause to offer them sympathetic looks and nods as Hinata’s mother continued to steadily rub Kageyama’s back. Kageyama’s head slowly sank down lower and lower as they waited, his heart growing crushingly heavy.

“Hinata-san? Ah, you’re here too, Kageyama-kun.” Kageyama lifted his gaze blearily as a familiar face stopped in front of them. He blinked once, twice, before recognition finally came. 

Ah. Saito-san. Hinata’s main doctor from Miyagi Children’s Hospital, and the one in charge of his treatments. Hinata had mentioned that one of the conditions for him being allowed to come to Tokyo with them was having his head doctor accompany him, just in case.

Hinata’s mother straightened up stiffly as the doctor began to speak, making Kageyama glance up at her bemusedly.

“We’ve moved Shoyo into a room, and he’s back to breathing steadily on his own. He overexerted himself, but he should be able to handle returning to Miyagi tomorrow, as long as he gets a lot of rest.” Hinata’s mother sighed deeply, her hand stopping on Kageyama’s back as she deflated slightly. 

“Even though we’ve stopped treatments, his body is still incredibly weak, and he needs to know that he _cannot_ continue to exert himself in this way, if he wants as much time as he can get. This was a _one time only_ instance,” Saito-san finished. Hinata’s mother nodded resignedly as she offered the doctor a tight smile. Next to her though, Kageyama frowned, his eyebrows furrowing deeply as he tried to make sense of what Saito-san was saying. 

_Stopped treatments?_

_As much time as he can get?_

“I understand. Thank you, Saito-san.” He nodded in response, a small, sympathetic smile rising on his face as he gestured down the hall. 

“That being said, I’ve been told that Shoyo-kun is starting to come around. I can take you two to his room, if you’d like. I’m sure he’d appreciate the company.” Hinata’s mother glanced down at Kageyama. 

“Do you think you’re up to go visit him? You don’t have to visit today if you’re too tired.” Kageyama shook his head firmly, before he stood shakily, just barely managing to stay on his feet as he wobbled rather precariously. Saito-san immediately reached out to help steady the teen, placing both his hands on Kageyama’s shoulders. 

“You alright?” Kageyama nodded, averting his gaze as Hinata’s mother stood, and took one of his large hands in her own. 

“Alright then. Follow me.” Kageyama simply allowed her to lead him by the hand, feeling oddly young again as he followed behind the much shorter woman through the blank, white hospital halls. 

It was a lot more depressing being in a normal hospital, Kageyama realized, as they passed a poster detailing the importance of handwashing. It was devoid of the cheerful animal characters that adorned all of the posters and walls in Miyagi Children’s Hospital, and it lifted Kageyama’s mood slightly, as he became grateful that Hinata had been sequestered there, rather than a general city hospital. 

“This is it. I’ll leave you two to it then. Hinata-san, please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.” Hinata’s mother nodded, offering the doctor a grateful nod and bow as he walked away. 

“You ready?” Kageyama hesitated, before nodding slowly. Giving Kageyama’s hand another reassuring squeeze, she knocked softly on Hinata’s door. 

“Shoyo?” Hinata’s mother’s voice was soft as she slowly pushed the door to Hinata’s room open. Kageyama couldn’t see into the room, but clearly, Hinata had motioned for her to enter, as she pushed the door open wider. As she did, Kageyama finally saw Hinata for the first time since they’d been separated, and his heart shattered. 

The teen was nestled in between the crisp, white hospital sheets, the bed looking sad and empty, devoid of the custom-made fleece blanket that was now a constant on Hinata’s bed back in Miyagi. Hinata’s bare head was an unfamiliar sight for Kageyama too, as Hinata had always had a beanie covering his head for the past 4 months, even when asleep. Consequently, Kageyama couldn’t quite stop himself as his gaze fixated on the thin layer of orange fuzz that covered the top of Hinata’s head. 

“...don’t stare.” Kageyama flinched as Hinata spoke raspily, a light flush of pink dusting the teen’s cheeks as he gave Kageyama an unamused glance. 

“...I’m sorry.” Hinata shrugged, turning instead to his mother. 

“Can you leave us alone for a little bit? I think we need to talk.” Hinata’s mother nodded, pressing a soft kiss against the teen’s forehead before she slipped out of the room. The soft, sympathetic look on her face as she closed the door behind her caught Kageyama off guard, confusing the teen as he stared at the closed door blankly. 

“....’yama, can you give me my beanie?” Kageyama nodded, moving robotically as he stepped over to Hinata’s side, before handing the beanie to the small teen. Hinata immediately slipped it on, his body relaxing slightly as the familiar fabric covered his head. 

“Thank you for picking it up. I was hoping someone would.” Kageyama nodded again, his words failing him as Hinata gazed up at the setter earnestly. 

“.... I don’t really have a good way to tell you. And I know that I can’t hide it any longer, especially not with what happened at the game.” Kageyama’s eyebrows furrowed as he watched Hinata. 

“Tell me what?” Hinata sighed deeply, making Kageyama’s worry spike exponentially. 

“I’m sick, Tobio.” Kageyama blinked. 

“I know.” 

“No, I’m _sick_. As in, I’m not going to get better.” An icy chill ran down Kageyama’s back as he stared incredulously at Hinata. 

“What do you mean?” Hinata raised an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean, Tobio. You’re not stupid.”

“...why?” Hinata snorted softly, throwing Kageyama an incredulous look.

“Because my cancer’s not responding to treatment. Chemotherapy and radiation haven’t done enough to stop it. I’m just on painkillers now.” Hinata let out a deep breath as he spotted the puzzled look on Kageyama’s face.

“Tobio. I’m _dying._ ” 

Kageyama couldn’t breathe. 

He couldn’t breathe, though it wasn’t like it was anything new: Kageyama hadn’t breathed properly since Hinata had collapsed at the tournament. So clearly, he was hallucinating from all those hours of oxygen loss, because there was no way Hinata had just said what he had. 

“...how long?” Hinata cocked his head to one side.

“What?”

“How long? How long have you known?” As soon as Hinata averted his gaze, Kageyama knew. 

“Why wouldn’t you _tell me_?" Hinata blinked as Kageyama’s voice broke, the setter’s fists clenched tightly as he struggled to keep himself from punching something out of sheer frustration. 

“Tobio…”

"God, do you think I ever would have wanted to stand there, playing volleyball in front of you, rubbing it in your face while all you could do was watch from the sidelines?!” Hinata opened his mouth, eyebrows furrowed slightly, as Kageyama’s voice rose with each word he spoke. 

“No, but I-” 

“Don’t you think that this is something you need to tell me as soon as you find out? Not two weeks after the fact?” Hinata bit his lip as he tried in vain to reach over and calm Kageyama down. But Kageyama was too far gone, and his emotions took full control over the setter as all of his stress and anxiety that had accumulated over the past 4 months poured out.

“Kageyama-”

“I know that I said that you didn’t have to tell me things immediately, that I’d wait, but you _lied_ to me!”

“Yama-”

“Do you have any idea just how _terrified_ I was, when I saw you lying on the floor-” 

“TOBIO! Listen to me!” Hinata’s sudden cry started Kageyama, making him fall silent as he gaped down at him. The frail teen glared up at Kageyama, his eyes burning intensely as he spoke.

“You’d _never_ have been able to enjoy your final high school Nationals if I’d told you beforehand! Tobio-baka, you’re my best friend! I know what you’re like! You’d never have agreed to even _go_ to Nationals, if I wasn’t there with you, so… I didn’t tell you.” Hinata’s voice fell to a whisper as he broke eye contact, his emaciated fingers gripping at the crisp, white sheets tightly as he struggled to contain his emotions.

“And I wanted to watch you play,” Hinata continued, his voice hoarse as he desperately blinked back tears.

“I wanted to watch you, enjoying volleyball, one last time. I know it was selfish, maybe even cruel, to not tell you, but I just… I wanted to see you in your happy place. In… _our_ happy place. So I’m not sorry. I’m _not_ sorry for _lying_ to you. I won’t ever be.” His tears finally escaped, flowing down Hinata’s hollow cheeks as their bitter shine highlighted the dark shadows that now permanently hung under Hinata’s eyes. 

“Tobio-kun, maybe we should leave this for another time. You’re both exhausted, and I think it might be best if you went and got some rest.” Kageyama didn’t protest as Hinata’s mother suddenly appeared, the tiny woman placing both of her hands on his broad shoulders as she steered the silent teen out of Hinata’s room. As they began to leave, a choked, pained sob broke free from behind them, followed by a gulping gasp for air. 

Kageyama quickly turned back towards the hospital bed, only to see that Hinata had already buried himself under his sheets. He could see Hinata’s emaciated body trembling violently as the teen desperately tried to muffle his sobs, and a fresh wave of pain rose through Kageyama’s chest at the sight. 

“Let’s go.” Though her voice was soft, Hinata’s mother’s slim hands were firm on Kageyama’s broad shoulders, refusing the teen the chance to return to Hinata’s side. Kageyama was helpless as Hinata’s gulping sobs followed them out of the room, and he flinched violently when they were abruptly cut off as the door shut behind them. A few silent moments passed, before Hinata’s mother finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry, dear. I probably shouldn’t have even let the two of you talk until you’d both gotten some rest.” Kageyama didn’t respond, unable to even move his head as he gazed out blankly against the bright harshness of the hospital’s white halls.

“I’ll call Takeda-sensei for you, and ask him to pick you up. You’ll feel better once you’ve gotten some proper food and sleep, love.” Hinata’s mother led Kageyama to a nearby bench, her touch far more gentle now that they’d made it out of the room. She guided him to sit upon one of the hard, cold benches, before she squatted down and looked up into his gaze. A sympathetic look crossed her face as she met Kageyama’s broken, devastated expression.

“Oh sweetheart…” Kageyama bit at his lip harshly, curling his trembling hands tightly into fists. Hinata’s mother gently took his hands into her own, stroking at the back of his quivering hands with her thumbs.

“Will you be alright here, until Takeda-sensei comes? I can come back to check on you in a few minutes- I just want to make sure Shoyo hasn’t worked himself up too much.” This time, Kageyama managed a tiny nod in response.

“Alright then. I’ll be right back, dear.” Hinata’s mother offered the teen a small, sad smile, gently squeezing his hands before she stood and slipped back into Hinata’s room. In the short instant the door was open, Kageyama caught another broken sob escape. His chest tightened further at the sound, making Kageyama’s breath catch in his throat as he clutched at his heart. 

“Sir? Are you alright?” A concerned looking nurse stopped in front of Kageyama, carefully squatting down to eye level to try and meet his gaze. Kageyama gripped at his shirt tighter, chest rising and falling rapidly as he gasped for the air he couldn’t bring into his lungs. 

“Sir-” Kageyama shot up to his feet, making the nurse squawk as she jumped out of his way. 

He needed to get out.

He couldn’t stay in this godforsaken hospital for another minute. 

Kageyama broke into a run, one hand still clutching at his chest as he stumbled his way down the hall. The startled call of the nurse faded into the distance as he sprinted, shoving open the door to the first staircase he could find. 

Kageyama’s feet thudded on the cold steel under him and echoed through the deserted stairwell, covering the sound of his labored breathing. As he reached the ground floor, Kageyama shoved the door open, before flying across the lobby and out of the hospital’s main entrance. 

The teen gasped as he collapsed against a pillar, clutching tightly to the icy material as he gulped down large lungfuls of the frozen January air. Harsh clouds of white escaped his mouth as he panted, drawing a few glances from curious passersby. Kageyama ignored the stares, instead leaning back against the pillar as he slowly slid down to the ground and buried his face in his hands.

What…

What was he supposed to _do_? 

Hinata… 

Hinata was… 

“Kageyama?” Kageyama’s head snapped up to see Suga staring down at him through wide, worried eyes. 

“I thought you might be here- I saw the match on TV. We were all worried about you two, so I said I’d come check up on you two, since my uni is nearby.” Kageyama opened his mouth, only to close it again as tears suddenly pooled in his eyes.

“Suga-san-” Kageyama desperately pressed one hand to his mouth, trying in vain to stifle his sobs as his shoulders trembled violently. 

Immediately, Suga knelt down by Kageyama’s side, pulling him into a tight hug. 

“It’s okay.” Kageyama’s hands grasped tightly at the back of Suga’s jacket as he buried his face into his senpai’s shoulder. The gentle feeling of Suga rubbing his hand up and down Kageyama’s back finally broke the ever stoic setter, and Kageyama _sobbed_. 

“ _Shoyo’s going to die_.” Suga’s hand froze momentarily, before it slowly resumed its soothing motion. 

“He’s going to _die_ , and I won’t be able to play volleyball with him, or go get meat buns from Coach Ukai’s shop, or go to the olympics with him, or _anything._ ” 

“I’m going to be _alone._ ” Kageyama just barely registered a cold drop of water falling onto his neck as Suga’s arms tightened further around his body. 

“He _promised_ that he’d always stay by my side. I… I don’t want to be alone.” 

“Please… _please_.” Kageyama’s voice cracked as he cried harder into Suga’s chest.

“ _I don’t want to be alone again._ ” 

\----

It was excruciatingly painful to watch your best friend dying, Kageyama realized. 

Especially when there was nothing he could do to help.

Some days were better than others: Hinata would manage to eat, he wasn’t quite as exhausted, and he still was up for watching high spirited volleyball matches between university teams. Some days, Hinata would still joke and poke fun at Kageyama, and their playful banter would fill the room as they pretended like everything was okay. 

But the other days, the bad days, they made Kageyama want to curl up into a ball and hide himself far, far away from reality.

Because it hurt Kageyama, to see Hinata grimace and choke as a nurse inserted an NG tube into his nose, after two days of the teen being unable to keep down solid food.

It hurt Kageyama, to see Hinata listlessly watching the clouds float by outside his window. Not even volleyball brought up more than a halfhearted smile from Hinata on those days, if Hinata even reacted at all. 

It _hurt_ Kageyama, when he spotted Hinata’s mother pressing a tissue to her face outside of his room, her ever calm composure finally cracking as she watched her only son slowly fade away in a hospital room.

It was excruciating _,_ in a way Kageyama had never known pain before. 

And yet through it all, life still went on. 

The world didn’t stop moving, just because Hinata was dying. 

Though his high school volleyball career was now over, Kageyama still had classes to attend, tests to take, homework to complete. He still had to eat and shower each day, and get a decent amount of sleep each night. He still had to exercise and keep in shape, if he was going to have any chance of landing a spot on a professional volleyball team post graduation. 

… not that any of it seemed to matter anymore. 

What did it all matter, when Hinata wasn’t going to be by his side? 

Why did Kageyama have to keep eating and sleeping, to keep studying subjects he’d never been bothered with in the first place, to keep _trying_ , for a future that didn’t feature Hinata Shoyo by his side? 

There was no need. There was no motivation, no incentive for him to work hard, to make sure that he was staying ahead of his lifelong rival in reaching his goals. 

So… Kageyama didn’t.

He ate little, and slept less. He left homework piling up on his desk, and let his grades drop far below failing. He ignored the worried texts sent to him by the other 3rd years, and hid himself away at school, making sure they never crossed paths by spending his breaks up on the school’s roof or hidden within bathroom stalls. 

And when official offers began pouring in, Kageyama simply ignored them too. Letter after letter piled up in one corner of his room, forming a small heap that Kageyama tiredly ignored day after day. 

Life went on, with each day dragging Kageyama further and further down. The days blurred together as Kageyama went back and forth from school to the hospital, only going home occasionally to grab changes of clothes and show Miwa that he was, in fact, still alive. 

Kageyama knew Miwa was worried in the way she would find reasons to linger in the living room instead of heading to her bedroom as she had in the past, and in the way she would regularly ask him how he was doing. While not a bad sister by any means, Miwa had always been distant, even when they’d been children. She _was_ 8 years older than he was, after all, and the two lived very different lives. 

So when Hinata shoved his phone into Kageyama’s face, one afternoon in late February, the screen still alight from a text, the setter wasn’t quite sure how to react. 

“Tell me it isn’t true.” Kageyama blinked dazedly as he skimmed Miwa’s text to Hinata. She’d clearly seen the piles of work on his desk and the unopened heap of team offers in his room from the way she’d all but begged Hinata to _please_ snap some sense into her little brother.

“What isn’t?” Kageyama flinched as Hinata glared at him. 

Okay, maybe playing dumb hadn’t been the _smartest_ idea. 

“Why aren’t you answering any of those offers? You’ve probably gotten some really good ones, and school is ending soon- you can’t really put this off, ‘yama.” Kageyama merely shrugged as he tore his gaze away from the phone screen. 

“What does it matter? S’not important- oi!” Kageyama yelped as Hinata punched him suddenly. It wasn’t nearly strong enough to cause him significant damage, but it had startled Kageyama, especially since Hinata had been fairly listless the past couple of days. 

“What do you mean, it’s not important?? Of course it’s important! This is your _future_!” Hinata crossed his thin arms, his sunken eyes flashing as he scowled. Kageyama’s shoulders immediately tensed, his expression darkening as he concentrated on the floor. 

“... what good is a future when there’s nothing waiting for me?” Kageyama let out a tiny sigh as he watched Hinata freeze out of the corner of his eye. 

“Tobio… you can’t…. You can’t just _give up_ , just because I won’t be there,” Hinata whispered shakily. Kageyama stared down intently as he began fiddling with his fingers.

“Why not?” Silence filled the room for several long moments, before Hinata whispered again, even more softly than before. 

“Because… because you’re still going to be _alive_ . You _get_ a future, Tobio. I don’t.” The sheer vulnerability in Hinata’s voice caused a ripple of guilt to course through the setter. Kageyama bit at his lip as he finally raised his head to meet Hinata’s pained gaze.

“I don’t get a future. I don’t get to dream, or hope anymore. You _do_. You get to leave this hospital, to go and come back whenever you want.” Hinata pointed down at his phone as he continued. 

“You don’t get to tell me that there’s nothing waiting for you, when you have all these teams lining up to offer you a spot. You don’t get to tell me that there’s nothing left for you, when you have Miwa-san, and Yama, and Tsukki, and Yachi-chan, and everyone else.” 

“And I’m glad. I’m so glad, and so thankful that you’ve spent so much time with me, Tobio, but… you need to stop.” Kageyama stared at Hinata through wide, incredulous eyes.

“You have a life outside of just staying with me. You need to start living. Actually living.” Hinata took a deep, but shaky, breath before he continued. 

“So promise me, okay?. Promise me you won’t give up, and that you’ll make it to the Olympics. That you’ll join a professional team, and that you’ll live _our_ dream.” Hinata’s voice grew softer still as his eyebrows knitted together.

“Promise me you won’t throw your life away.” Kageyama swallowed thickly.

“Please.”

He knew what he had to say. 

Hinata was right, after all.

Besides, Kageyama had never been good at saying no in the first place. And with Hinata gazing up at him pleadingly, his peaked face pale in comparison to his sunken brown eyes, there really was only one thing Kageyama could feasibly say. 

“...okay.”

“I promise.”

\----

Ever since he and Hinata had spoken, Kageyama had started taking the steps to start gathering the pieces of his life together- just like he’d promised. 

He spoke to his teachers, all of whom were already well aware of his predicament, and had received extensions and extra help in catching up- enough so that he was likely to at least pass his final semester and manage to graduate high school. Kageyama also finally picked up the pile of offers off his floor, and opened each one. He went over each one carefully with both Takeda and Ukai, before finally coming to a conclusion on which team’s offer he’d accept.

Kageyama started getting up early again too, restarting his morning runs and slowly beginning to rebuild what stamina he’d lost in the month he’d neglected his training. 

And Kageyama reached out to the other 3rd years, sheepishly allowing himself to be welcomed back into their group. When he’d finally appeared at their usual spot, after over a month of avoiding it, all three had immediately accosted him, yanking him in to sit with them for lunch. Yachi had been tearfully sympathetic at Kageyama’s awkward apology, assuring him there was nothing to apologize for, while Yamaguchi had gently chastised him, scolding the teen for not relying on his friends when he needed them most. 

Tsukishima’s response had surprised Kageyama, as the normally snarky teen had simply glared at the setter, before firmly telling him that he was _not_ to ever abandon his teammates (and friends) ever again. The momentary shine in his eyes as the blonde teen fought to contain his emotions was the push the setter needed to step forward and pull the other teen into a quick hug. 

An entire conversation passed through the two teens during that short interval, before Kageyama pulled away, a tiny smirk on his face as he watched Tsukishima try to rub at his eyes surreptitiously. 

“You saw nothing.” Kageyama nodded sagely. 

“I saw nothing.” The laughter that followed filled Kageyama’s heart with a soothing sense of content and peace. He was finally starting to get his life sorted together. And while he still regularly visited Hinata, Kageyama no longer devoted every moment of every day next to the teen, as per Hinata’s wishes. 

So on the day it happened, it shook Kageyama to his core. 

March 20th, 2015. 

The first day of spring. 

Choirs of songbirds sang in the trees as a cool breeze rustled the new, green leaves that were sprouting on branches. At Karasuno, students were abuzz with both the stress of final exams and the barely tangible sense of freedom that lay just beyond. 

Kageyama had just arrived back home, ready to hunker down in his room with a pile of onigiri and his school books for a long study session when his phone chimed with an incoming call. Expecting it to be Yachi or Yamaguchi asking if he wanted to study together, Kageyama didn’t bother to check the screen before he answered.

“Hey-”

“Tobio-nii.” Kageyama froze. 

“...Natsu?” 

“It’s nii-chan.” And with two words, Kageyama felt his heart stop. The light of the sun shining in through his window suddenly faded as a cloud passed overhead, plunging Kageyama into darkness.

“Tell him to wait- I’m coming.” Kageyama flung his backpack onto the floor as he rushed out of his room, skidding to a halt in the entryway. He stuffed his feet roughly into the sneakers he’d just taken off, before flying out of the house and down the front pathway. Behind him, Kageyama just barely registered Miwa’s startled squawk as she yelled out after him, but Kageyama ignored her as he continued to sprint.

“Please hurry.” Kageyama slowed into a quick walk as he reached the bus stop, his heart beginning to pound in his chest as he heard Natsu’s desperate whisper from the phone. The call ended with a soft click, and Kageyama shakily let out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. 

The trip from the bus stop to the hospital only took a little more than half an hour, though it felt like an eternity to Kageyama. As each second passed, Kageyama could feel his chest growing tighter and tighter as he silently pleaded to whichever gods were listening to please, _please allow_ him the chance to say goodbye. 

Hinata couldn’t leave. Not yet. 

Not before he said goodbye.

As soon as the bus stopped in front of Miyagi Children’s Hospital, Kageyama all but sprinted off, ignoring the disapproving “tsks” of other patrons as he hurriedly made his way into the hospital’s central lobby. A familiar nurse at the front desk greeted Kageyama with a smile, only to blink in surprise as the teen hurried past and slammed his fist into the elevator button. 

Kageyama paced back and forth, agitatedly pulling at his fingers as he anxiously begged the elevator to move faster. Once the doors opened, Kageyama hurried in, biting his cheek to keep himself from sighing as several others joined him on the elevator. Slowly, slowly, the elevator inched up each floor, letting people on and off, before it finally reached the cancer ward. 

The elevator doors opened, and Kageyama flew forward, only to be caught by a sudden, strong grip on his wrist. 

“Tobio-kun.” Kageyama turned quickly, only to freeze when he spotted who had grabbed him. 

“....Hinata-san? Is… is he…?” Hinata’s mother shook her head quickly, causing a large sigh to escape Kageyama. 

“He’s very close though, dear. He’s been swimming in and out of consciousness for the past few hours now.” Kageyama’s eyebrows knitted together as he gazed down at Hinata’s mother. There were deep shadows under her exhausted brown eyes, telling him that she hadn’t slept well the night before, if at all. 

“He asked for you.” Kageyama’s breath caught in his throat as he stared down at the petite woman. 

“He’s… he’s not the most coherent. He’s very confused when he is able to talk to us, so I’d understand if you didn’t want to go in.” Kageyama shook his head immediately. 

“No, please. Take me to him. Please, I need to see him.” Hinata’s mother raised her gaze to meet Kageyama’s directly. Her brown eyes, dull and weary compared to what once they’d been, bore into his darker ones.

A few moments passed, in which Hinata’s mother searched for whatever it was she was looking for in his eyes. Finally, having evidently found it, she sighed softly and nodded. 

“Alright then. Follow me.” 

Kageyama allowed Hinata’s mother to lead him by his hand, much in the same way she’d done multiple times before. The two of them made their way down the hall towards Hinata’s room, taking the same path Kageyama had taken almost daily for the past 7 months. Nurses and doctors alike continued to throw Kageyama sympathetic looks as he passed, finally forcing the teen lower his head to stare down at the floor as he walked. A few of the other patients on the ward waved at him, but Kageyama kept his gaze trained down on the floor, unable to bring himself to even lift his head, let alone greet them cheerfully. 

As they drew close, a light tug on Kageyama’s pants caught his attention. The teen shifted his gaze to spot a familiar pair of Totoro slippers just a few inches away from his own feet, prompting the teen to finally raise his head. Standing quietly, one tiny hand grasped tightly around the fabric of Kageyama’s shorts as he gazed up at the teen with big, doleful eyes, was Kazuma. 

Kageyama opened his mouth, only to close it again as tears pricked at his eyes and words failed him. Kazuma simply shook his head slightly, quickly throwing his thin arms around Kageyama’s waist before he hurried away. Kageyama blinked as he watched the child disappear into his room, a flicker of warmth rising in his heart from the unexpected show of affection. 

“Are you ready?” Hinata’s mother’s voice called out to him, causing the teen to turn and face her. Kageyama hesitated, before nodding as he walked forward to her side. Once he was next to her, she reached down to grab his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

“I’ll be right next to you. Natsu is already inside.” Another moment passed, before Kageyama managed to jerk his head in the tiniest of nods. 

Hinata’s mother pulled the door open, and Kageyama had to blink to see, as Hinata’s room was much darker than the bright hallway. His curtains, which had almost always been pulled wide open were now closed and the overhead lights were turned off, making the room have a dull, muted quality to it. 

“Shoyo? Tobio’s here.” Kageyama walked forward robotically, letting Hinata’s mother guide him into the empty chair next to Hinata’s bed. Natsu was on the other side, face swollen and red with tears, though the 12 year old managed a shaky smile as Kageyama sat down. 

“Shoyo? Can you hear me, dear?” Kageyama could hardly breathe as he stared down at Hinata. The teen was so pale, so still, that if it weren’t for the heart monitor beeping softly at his side, Kageyama wouldn’t have believed he was still alive. With half closed eyes and a waxy, grey complexion in sharp contrast to the rich navy of the beanie still sat upon his head, Hinata looked nothing like the energetic, spunky teen he’d been a year ago. 

“Try talking to him, Tobio. He might respond to your voice,” Hinata’s mother encouraged. Kageyama gazed down at Hinata hesitantly and opened his mouth, only for a small squeak to escape. 

“Take your time.” Kageyama swallowed again, trying desperately to find some moisture for his too-dry throat. 

“Shoyo. It’s me. I’m here.” He gazed down at Hinata, pleading, begging for the teen to open his eyes. A few moments passed in silence, during which they all stared at Hinata with bated breath, until slowly, slowly, Hinata’s eyes opened ever so slightly. 

“...’bio?” The tears that had been prickling at the back of Kageyama’s eyes since he’d first gotten Natsu’s call finally pooled and fell down his cheeks. 

“I’m here. I’m here, Shoyo.” Hinata’s eyes, always so sharp and bright, were glazed over as they slowly shifted over to rest on Kageyama’s face. 

“...you’re here.” Kageyama nodded, reaching down to grab Hinata’s emaciated, cool hand in his own. 

“I am.” The edge of Hinata’s lips quirked up then. 

“...’m glad…. wanted t’see you…” Kageyama nodded again, using one hand to clumsily wipe at his eyes.

“...hey, t‘bio.” 

“Yes?” 

“...d’you…. d’you think it hurts?”

Kageyama bit at his lip hard enough to draw blood, fighting desperately to maintain enough composure for him to answer. 

“No, of course not. It’s like… it’s like falling asleep. Easy, and quick.”

Hinata’s head shifted slightly in the semblance of a nod. “..s’good… ‘don't like being in pain…”

“You won’t be, dear. Tobio is right.”

Hinata’s eyes widened momentarily, before they rolled over to rest on his mother’s face. “...oh hi kaa-san…. love you.”

Kageyama glanced over to see her brown eyes finally brimming with tears, one hand pressed tightly to her mouth. 

“I love you too. We all love you so much, Shoyo.” Another tiny shift of his head, before Hinata’s gaze moved once again, this time stopping on Natsu’s face.

“...’stu… be good, ‘kay?.... love you.” Hinata’s mother reached over to rest her hands on Natsu’s shoulders as the preteen hiccuped, a fresh flow of tears cascading down her cheeks as she nodded vigorously. 

“I promise. I promise. I love you so much, nii-chan.” There was another quirk to Hinata’s lips, before it faded, and the teen’s eyes moved back onto Kageyama’s face. Sensing that Hinata wanted to speak to Kageyama, Hinata’s mother gently guided Natsu a little ways from the bed, helping her sit down shakily in a chair while Kageyama peered down at Hinata. 

“What is it?” Hinata paused, eyebrows knitting together ever so slightly.

“...’don’t wanna go ‘lone…. ‘don’t wanna _be_ ‘lone…’don’t want _you_ to be ‘lone either…” Kageyama’s free hand tightened in Hinata’s bedsheets, while the other gripped Hinata’s pale, cool one more securely. 

“You’re not. I promise, you’re not alone, Shoyo.” Hinata’s mouth twitched into a frown.

“...m’not?” Kageyama shook his head firmly. 

“You’re not. I’m here, and your mom and Natsu are here, and I saw Kazuma outside. The other 3rd years are planning on visiting you again, and Coach always makes sure to ask me how you are.” The tiniest sparkle grew in Hinata’s eyes at Kageyama’s words, and the teen’s lips quirked up again. 

“....m’glad…. but wha’bou’you?” Kageyama hesitated as he bit his lip again, unsure of how to respond. Hinata continued to gaze up at him, clearly expecting an answer. 

“I… I’m not alone either. I have everyone from Karasuno, and more. I have Yachi-chan, and Tsukki and Yams. I have Coach and Takeda-sensei, and all of our kouhai and senpai too. I have Natsu, and your mom. I won’t be alone.” 

_Thanks to you._

Hinata’s eyebrows knitted together again.

“....y’promise?”

Kageyama nodded.

“I promise.”

Hinata’s face finally relaxed, a tiny smile playing on his lips. 

“...good…” Hinata trailed off, his eyes closing again as his breathing grew all the more shallow. Silence filled the room, other than the soft sounds of Natsu’s sniffles and the beeping of the heart monitor, until Hinata’s eyes opened again a few minutes later.

“...’bio?” 

“Yes?” Kageyama watched as Hinata’s body relaxed slightly. 

“...jus’ checking t’see if you w’re still here…” Kageyama squeezed Hinata’s hand, the cool flesh a sharp contrast to the heat radiating off his own. 

“I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“....’kay…” It was another 5 minutes before Hinata opened his eyes again, during which Kageyama counted as Hinata’s chest rose and fell a total of 6 times.

“...’bio?”

“Yes, Shoyo?” 

“...you’ll come back to visit me?” Kageyama swallowed, giving Hinata’s increasingly cold hand another squeeze as he responded.

“Of course. I’ll always come back to you.” 

“...th’nk you…” Hinata’s eyes closed again as a flash of the heart monitor caught Kageyama’s attention. Kageyama watched silently as the numbers quickly dwindled, growing lower, and lower until all he could see was the telltale flat line. 

Kageyama shifted his gaze back down to Hinata, whose body was completely still under his blankets. Hinata’s bony hand had fully relaxed in Kageyama’s, lifeless and clammy against his flesh. The teen hesitated as he stared down at the grey flesh, before Kageyama slowly let it go and lowered it down to Hinata’s side. 

Kageyama winced when he heard Natsu burst into tears behind him, feeling her raw pain stab into his chest as she sobbed. He heard the chair squeak as Hinata’s mother moved to pull Natsuo into her arms, followed by a shuddery sigh that was somehow worse than Natsu’s emotional sobs.

Hot tears pooled in Kageyama’s eyes, as he listened to them cry for the brother and son they’d lost. A choked noise escaped him as he pressed one hand tightly to his mouth, and stared down at Hinata's lifeless body.

“No... come back.” Kageyama’s voice broke as he desperately gazed into Hinata’s empty face. Kageyama grasped at the sheets on the bed as he begged for Hinata to respond, his body shaking violently as tears began to spill down his cheeks.

_I don’t want to do this without you._

Hinata’s mother suddenly appeared, her arms encircling Kageyama’s body as he wept.

_I don't want to live out *our* dreams, without you by my side._

“Please. _Please._ ”

_I know I can make it, because you taught me how._

“He’s gone, Tobio.” 

" _Please_..."

“...I’m so sorry, dear.” 

_But I wish I didn't have to._

**Author's Note:**

> And... that's that.  
> Thank you so much for reading- and major props to you if you sat through and read it in one sitting, like I know kk did.   
> Speaking of kk:  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/CI-wX3LlJcE/?igshid=dblqsnahtvox
> 
> I commissioned some art from them a while back, of Hinata in the hospital, and it's!!! So good!!!! Kk did very well, and I'm so proud!! Thank u kk love!!


End file.
